“What do you think happens inside a chrysalis?” That’s the question that is at the center of the 3rd story in the “Black Box” (minute 53) episode of Radiolab on my local NPR station today. It’s gruesome. If you open up a 3 day old chrysalis you find nothing resembling either a caterpillar or a […]
Monthly Archives: December 2018
Enjoy the Ride
Reprinted from February 29, 2008 I love this picture. I love it on several different levels. It just this second occurred to me, for example, that I’ve never seen any Benedictines on a roller coaster. There isn’t much “ora et labora” in an amusement park. ‘Letting go’ is a concept that Buddhists ‘get’ immediately, viewing attachment as the source […]
The Transitory & The Universal
It’s been a long time since I wrote. Even longer since I wrote honestly and meaningfully. In the early days of this online journal I wrote because I was isolated. I wrote because I was lonely. I wrote because when I first started exploring the idea that permanent recovery might be possible there were no […]
New Socks and Underwear
Reprinted from November 30, 2008 Few other things make me feel as secure and contented as new socks and underwear. Although I’ve had a few new socks and a couple of pair of boxers a couple of times since I got sober, there were none in the 2 years before and no new t-shirts at all. Yesterday I threw […]
The Return of Light
There is a kind of darkness that can descend in the throes of active addiction, inky and thick, that obscures the hope of recovery. I could see it closing in on me. I really should have been pointing myself to inpatient treatment; I was that far gone. I had made some pitiable efforts to reengage […]
Rock Bottom
You hear this all the time. “An addict has to hit rock bottom before they’ll recover.” Let me be clear, the concept of “rock bottom” only has value as part of a personal narrative — as part of the story a person with SUD (substance use disorder, otherwise and disparagingly known as an addict) tells […]
Homecoming
One of the things about a relapse is that you can see it coming and still feel powerless to do anything about it. In 12 step recovery they often tell us, however, that “in God’s economy nothing is wasted.” My relapse was a waste but I refuse to let the experience be wasted. I’ll tell […]