Work

On November 29th, 2007 is was 10 months and some days sober and in training for a job at McDonald’s; a job which, it turns out, I was barely capable of doing, my brain still healing from the years and years of crystal meth I did.

Ultimately I wasn’t even able to keep that job.  At nearly a year sober I was still so fried that I could barely do anything but focus on my recovery; pray, meditate, write, work with a sponsor, go to meetings, etc.  I imagine that most other people’s stories aren’t like that, even the stories of isolated, gay crystal meth addicts.  I fell down the scale much farther than was necessary for me to be able to see that I was an addict.  I just didn’t have enough motivation to do anything about it.  I had given up and I had no hope that it would ever be better, so why not just stay high.

I imagine that other people’s stories aren’t as extreme as mine, but for me, getting to the place where I could hold down a job was a big deal.  After a year sober I was given a scooter, which helped me get to a better job and hold that.

At 2 years, I got a car.  A really decent car.  Probably the best car I’ve ever had, and certainly the safest and most economical.

That was almost exactly 2 years ago.  In between I’ve held down the same job, maintained the same residence (with a roommate who is out of town 8 months a year), keep the same phone number, buy the business I worked for and manage to not drive it into the ground.  It hasn’t made any money but it has given a decent living to all of us who work there and in this economy that is a minor miracle in itself.

I’m a little less than 2 months away from my 4th sobriety anniversary and a few days longer that 2 years after the purchase of my car, and I have been given the opportunity to buy a house.  Of course I don’t qualify for the home loan on my own, but my parents are very fortunately situated so the financing is taken care of.  Still, honestly, I didn’t believe I’d ever get to own a house.

It’s a cute little mid-century (1959) ranch with 3 bedrooms, one bath, oak floors, a fireplace, on a quarter acre with a stone, wood-burning BBQ, apple trees, plum trees, and roses everywhere.  There are no repairs the house needs.  It has been beautifully maintained.

The only thing I’ve really done perfectly is not drink or use.  I have been awake whenever the idea that “this time will be different” would sneek into my mind and vigilantly dismiss the thought as insane.  I have done the best I can with what is in front of me – much of the time.  I have learned a ton, but never by doing it right the first time.  I have made every possible mistake along the way.

I’m not suggesting at all that if you stay sober for 4 years you’ll get a house.  I am saying that if you stay sober, if you actually fix your life, everything will change.  And even though some things will suck, and some things will hurt, and some things will set you back, your life will change for the better.