relationships

Not to say that I’ve cried. I haven’t. I won’t. That kind of emotional attachment just isn’t there. All that was there was the recognition of the kinds of qualities that might make me willing to invest myself further. But apparently I have a long, long way to go in the discernment department.  When I got [...]

The first day I was on Ritilin I took it as prescribed. Yuck. Did the trick in terms of attention and focus, sense of well being, etc., but it had the unfortunate and uncomfortable side effect of making me feel like I’d been high. The good news is that it was an intensely uncomfortable feeling. I [...]

There are parts of my experience at the end of my use and in the early part of my recovery that I have been hard pressed to imagine would ever be an asset; something I could share to help another addict recover, chief among them my relationship with Dan, the Imaginary Future Ex-Husband (IFX). Dan’s [...]

I’ve been siting home for the last 2 hours, reading the MLS and watching 90210. In my defense, I never watched the original, but I turned on the TV as I made myself a sandwich for dinner (a turkey reuben and some beets in balsamic vinegar) and I quickly flipped away from the football game [...]

I don’t get to see my sister often; usually at family events with our dad. She lives in Alaska with her daughter and husband. She has maintained a close relationship with our dad over the years, and I have only recently restored that relationship. Stephanie and I, the two oldest of four siblings, most closely [...]

Gerhardt: There’s a time when you can share and you hold hands and be on the same path. But there’s always a fork in the road… at some point. And sometimes you have to go on one part of the fork and they gotta go on the other part of the fork. Or just down [...]

I had an interesting and clarifing conversation with my sponsor regarding humility and humiliation. According to him, and I like this definition, I can work with this definition, humility is thinking of others more than I think of myself. Humiliation is doing something that is beneath me, for whatever reason. He said [...]

It’s amazing to me, I guess it shouldn’t be at this point in recovery, but it’s amazing to me how quickly I return to my default setting; to return to the way of thinking, if not behavior, that always gets me back to where I came from unless I take purposeful action. Like when [...]

Every day I take a bitter pill that gets me on my way, for the little aches and pains the ones I have from day to day. To help me think a little less about the things I miss. To help me not to wonder how I ended up like this. Useless Desires Patty Griffin Corinne says I’m “thawing out.” Nikki [...]