Honesty

I just hate it when I suddenly realize the truth behind those stupid things we say to each other in meetings. Keep it simple, stupid? Don’t you dare call me stupid. Motherfucker. But there you go. I am making too hard a work of a simple thing. Recovering addicts and alcoholics everywhere, from every walk of [...]

The first tool they “lay at our feet” in DA is tracking; carefully recording all income and expenditures.  It is pretty easy to track total abstainance, but in a program for something you absolutely have to use, tracking becomes very important. I had some money in my pocket since I got paid for a little side [...]

I had just left the all time, well at least one of the bottom 10, all time worst AA meetings I have ever been in. I’m not judging. I’m just saying. I left grateful that I’m me, and I’m at this place in recovery. Enough said. So the 10:00 meeting I was [...]

Dennis is a “30 day wonder” and an unfortunate artifact of my bad old days; and he was at the meeting I went to last night.  I don’t normally attend the local gay AA meeting except on milestones.  I’ve heard that all you need to start a new meeting is a resentment and a coffee [...]

Tonight I’m going to my first Debtors Anonymous meeting. There is only one DA meeting. There is only one of them a week here in Boise. I checked out the DA website this morning and it is really directed at people with incredible credit card debt. I don’t have debt like that, [...]

Caught in the Snide And in that dreadful place Those spooky empty pants and I Were standing face to face. I yelled for help. I screamed. I shrieked. I howled. I yowled. I cried. Oh! Save me from those pale green pants With nobody inside. -Dr. Seuss Isn’t that the essence of fear?  When we finally find [...]

I don’t normally duplicate work I produce elsewhere, but there are only so many ways you can say the same thing.  In this case, it’s something I need to say in every channel I write in. Just like with drugs and alcohol, it seems to be a natural part of my character that until I have [...]

I don’t get to see my sister often; usually at family events with our dad. She lives in Alaska with her daughter and husband. She has maintained a close relationship with our dad over the years, and I have only recently restored that relationship. Stephanie and I, the two oldest of four siblings, most closely [...]

To choose what is difficult all one’s days, as if it were easy, that is faith. W. H. Auden I’ve chosen to import all of Methed Up along with some historical stuff from an old, long ago deleted blog and some private e-mails. There are things here that will require a password, but for the most [...]

First of all, thank God for the steps! I wouldn’t be able to tell this story without them. I wouldn’t because I would be trapped in the story; sucked in to the familiar familial drama of the tree from which this nut fell. Last Friday night I had dinner with my sister and her two [...]

  Love can not fill the thickened lung with breath, Nor clean the blood, nor set the fractured bone; Yet many a man is making friends with death Even as I speak, for lack of love alone.   Edna St. Vincent Millay   I’m moving. At the end of the month I’m moving. And I am moving in to my own [...]

embrace c.1300, from O.Fr. embracer “clasp in the arms, enclose,” from en- “in” + brace “the arms,” from L. bracchium (neut. pl. brachia). Replaced O.E. clyppan, also fæðm. Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2001 Douglas Harper Last night, late, I stepped out on my front porch to smoke a cigarette. I still smoke cigarettes. For some reason [...]