Fear

Caught in the Snide And in that dreadful place Those spooky empty pants and I Were standing face to face. I yelled for help. I screamed. I shrieked. I howled. I yowled. I cried. Oh! Save me from those pale green pants With nobody inside. -Dr. Seuss Isn’t that the essence of fear?  When we finally find [...]

I don’t normally duplicate work I produce elsewhere, but there are only so many ways you can say the same thing.  In this case, it’s something I need to say in every channel I write in. Just like with drugs and alcohol, it seems to be a natural part of my character that until I have [...]

All men may err; but he that keepeth not his folly, but repenteth, doeth well; but stubbornness cometh to great trouble. -Sophocles, Antigone It is hard to understand how someone so clever, so witty, so completely charming and attractive as I am, someone so devoid of malice, someone through whom goodness and beneficence shines like [...]

I had an interesting and clarifing conversation with my sponsor regarding humility and humiliation. According to him, and I like this definition, I can work with this definition, humility is thinking of others more than I think of myself. Humiliation is doing something that is beneath me, for whatever reason. He said [...]

There is a solution. Mr. Tall-Smart vanished as quickly and mysteriously as he appeared.  Case closed. I’m going to work at McDonald’s.  Income partially replaced and dangerous hours filled.  Case closed. My sponsor calls it humiliating.  I call it humbling.  Never underestimate the power of denial.

It’s amazing to me, I guess it shouldn’t be at this point in recovery, but it’s amazing to me how quickly I return to my default setting; to return to the way of thinking, if not behavior, that always gets me back to where I came from unless I take purposeful action. Like when [...]

I think the tale of MethedUp is nearing an end. I’m not that methed up anymore. I’m setting up a new home at The Last Chance Texaco but will keep posting here till the pumps open. My new email address is OutOfGas @ theLastChanceTexaco.com