The Last Chance Texaco

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I started writing to save my life.Â Even today, but most especially in the earliest days of my recovery the act of writing helped me maintain perspective and focus.Â I wrote in a medium that was publicly accessible because I was so profoundly alone. The feedback I got really encouraged me and helped motivate me. All [...]

It’s been a very busy week in terms of working with others. Friday I had the day off work and ended up going with my friend Robert on a 12th Step call. We drove from Boise to Eagle and picked this man up, drove back to Boise, and spent the rest of the day with [...]

There are parts of my experience at the end of my use and in the early part of my recovery that I have been hard pressed to imagine would ever be an asset; something I could share to help another addict recover, chief among them my relationship with Dan, the Imaginary Future Ex-Husband (IFX). Dan’s [...]

I didnâ€™t have to work yesterday and I got up pretty early with the intention of getting a bunch of chores done. By 10 o’clock I realized that unless I got up and left the house for awhile that nothing was going to get done, There is a Sunday morning meeting here that is very [...]

Whatever 12 step program (or programs) we come from, we are a fellowship; “an elite group of experienced people who work together as peers”*, sharing our experience, strength, and hope with each other in the pursuit of a solution to our common problem and to help others to recover. My sponsor/mentor/adviser/friend, a man who has been [...]

In the late 80s and early 90s they were not an uncommon site along the freeways leaving downtown Los Angeles; huge condo projects festooned with banners that read “If you lived here you’d be home now.” When the topic was brought up at a meeting, what are you doing today for your recovery, it’s [...]

You may have noticed a link at the bottom of my sidebar for Me Not Meth -a project of the California Department of Alcohol and Drug Programs. I’m giving them an extra plug here because they bribed me with a groovy t-shirt. Yes. I’m cheap. Read the rest of this entry »

Over the last couple of days I’ve occupied my spare time building a custom search engine using Google’s search service.Â You’ll find it at the top of my sidebar.Â I have painstakingly included every single blog listed on the Top 100 Sober Blogs to be the exclusive sites searched for results on this engine. [...]

Tommy: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour? Hedwig: No, but I… I love his work. John Cameron Mitchell, Hedwig and the Angry Inch I don’t want to make this about religion because it isn’t about religion. It’s about the same thing everything else here is about. Me. It’s what it [...]

As much as I hate cross talk in a meeting there are times when sharing what needs to be shared and not cross talking seems almost impossible. Side conversations are annoying, too, but often less so. I’m afraid I participated in both yesterday. Actually I managed the cross-talk thing more successfully. [...]

Deep down at the bottom of happy, joyous and free lies fear; fear that if I were ever to throw my sobriety away I might never get it back. It seems the older we get, the more times we relapse, the harder it is to come back and fully embrace recovery. I suspect that, as [...] Read more »

I arrived home Saturday night, slept most of the day on Sunday and I’m still tired. Overall I had a wonderful time though. There was a little tension with one of my travel companions who I found to be astonishingly self-centered, but I’m sure I played a part in that. Managed, in the end, to [...] Read more »

I never would have thought I’d have an opportunity like this again. The end of my drug use, and even for the most part the first 3 years I’ve been sober, have been pretty uninteresting and I have actually become pretty resistant to change. Variation kind of freaks me out. I feel so secure in [...] Read more »

I think I hate being in therapy. I mean, they make you look at yourself! And who wants to do that? I thought I’d done well enough having gotten through the 4th step and, after all, I’m still sober. I guess that isn’t entirely true. After an hour and a half with Anita yesterday I [...] Read more »

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the value of anonymity. I’m not altogether convinced that there really is such a thing; not in the absolute sense. It exists in greater and lesser degrees and we see famous people straddle the line all the time. In 12 step recovery we have secret code words and [...] Read more »

But one voice got through, caught her up by surprise
It said, “Don’t hold us back we’re the story you tell,”
And no sooner than spoken, a spell had been broken
And the voices before her were trumpets and tympani
Violins, basses and woodwinds and cellos, singing
“We’re so glad that you finally made it here
You thought nobody cared, but [...] Read more »

It should have become clear to me a long time ago. Perhaps it was and I simply hadn’t the willingness to do something about it, but it is clear now that I can benefit from therapy. I don’t think I’ll make any significant gains in becoming happy without professional help. So in addition to starting [...] Read more »

“Absolute unmixed attention is prayer.” -Simone Weil, Gravity and Grace
I realized a long time ago that I can trace the decline of my spiritual health, and a decline in the quality and quantity of my writing, to the date I got a television. For a good year and a half, writing was a form of [...] Read more »

I am beyond furious and my sponsor is out of town. It happened again. I finally got last week’s paycheck cashed on Wednesday and today this week’s check bounced. Obviously, in spite of what my employer says, I need to find a new job. Read more »

I’d really like a job offer from Current Media. Read more »

12th step

Almost Forgotten

More joy. Less me.

Cheerful Capitalization

The Sunday Spiritual Meeting

That We Might Solve Our Common Problem

If You Lived Here You’d Be Home Now

Me Not Meth

In My Spare Time I’m A Geek

I don’t want to make this about religion . . .

So Spank Me

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I Don’t Want to Pray for Him.

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