Comments on: Simply a matter of work.

By: Marc

Marc — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 21:53:52 +0000

I think the problem with the question: “Are you willing to go to any lengths…? is that we are fairly apt to say yes to the idea of something that will never be required of us. “Any lengths” conjures up ideas of climbing Mount Everest and walking across deserts. Easy enough to say yes to that idea–no one will call your bluff.
The more salient question might be: “Are you willing to make the bed and do the dishes?” I would say that it makes more sense to me that you handle first things first, like becoming self-supporting and establish some sort or repayment of debt before you incur new debt.
I have a close friend who never went to college, but started volunteering at the local Aids Service Organization and stumbled into become an expert on Medicare, Medicaid, and Disability issues–he now has a very good job in the field. I think you should go to college, but there is no reason you can’t start one course at a time and it needn’t be an either/or proposition. You are sharp as a whip and any employer will find that attractive. Your best bet might be discuss the lack of college and your addiction/mental health issues right up front. Speaking of which, aren’t there rehabs in Boise? That’s where everyone here seem to go to work. You’d be brilliant as a counselor.

By: Chris

Chris — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 22:56:37 +0000

OK, so just for the record, disco balls totally rock. And it’s got to be apropos of something that Boy George was nearly killed by a disco ball. Not as poetic as, say, Karl Rove dying of prostate cancer (the idea of Mr. Rove with cancer of the asshole makes me smile), but I digress into fantasy. . . LOL

Thanks kids!

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 18:27:56 +0000

Yes, I agree, it’s time to take a blind leap of faith Chris, wow you have an amazing amount of support. You are truely blessed and loved by many.

Last year my daughter had a disco ball party for her b-day and it was a blast, we hung it in the living room and danced all night long. I can’t even believe I have a friend who owns a disco ball!

By: Mary (MPJ)

Mary (MPJ) — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 18:06:03 +0000

I see others have already said my part for me, so I’ll just say that I love the idea of recovery as a disco ball. It makes me want to hang a big disco ball in my bedroom.

By: BoyGrowsUp

BoyGrowsUp — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 17:53:41 +0000

At the risk of sounding like a parrot, Chris, my genuine reaction to this post is the same as Stephanie’s and Java’s. We see progress, we see toeholds and stepingstones that remain underfoot, and yet we see your doubts and, perhaps, your self-sabotaging beliefs.

Speaking for myself, I have been in the same place at various times in my recovery journey. I can’t draw any further parallels, because we are different, except to say that at one juncture, I felt like I didn’t have it in me to overcome the forces allied against me.

It was at that point that a new thought came to my mind, which was simply the daring notion to trust the universe to order life on my behalf. And when I say trust, I really mean “blind trust,” because it felt and still feels illogical and almost foolish to simply ask the universe to help me, and then to imagine what life would be like were it to respond to my request. It is an asking unlike anything I learned in formal religion.

And I have yet to clearly understand what that means, except that I dared to stake out a belief that simply praying, “HELP!” does more to fix my problems than all the thinking a day could contain. And praying, “Thanks” at the end of the day as well.

Whatever your path, Chris, there are a lot of cyberbuddies out here cheering you on. But you know that!

By: Stephanie

Stephanie — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 17:35:57 +0000

You are leaps and bounds ahead of what you see. Stay on course and celebrate the fact that you are where you are. Things could be worse. You have cloths to wash, dishes to do and floors to mop, how amazing is that! And a beautiful kitty to snuggle with and love!

Love you, Stephanie

By: Chris

Chris — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 04:55:33 +0000

I say this as an indictment to myself as well. – I love when we say that we are mirrors of each other; that we see in others what is true of ourselves. It makes me think of recovery as a great big – - – disco ball. Boogie on, Java. And thanks for your kind words and support.

By: Java

Java — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 04:33:08 +0000

My impression from what I have read here over the last few months is that you are making some big steps in the right direction. I see progress. I see that you have been working. You sound discouraged now, and I suspect you do not recognize the progress you have made. Maybe it’s a matter of perspective. Sometimes the little things loom large, and you judge your overall success by those relatively minor details. I say this as an indictment to myself as well. The state of my kitchen, floor, laundry basket- all things I closely relate to. But there is much more going on in your life, some significant progress. You are working. Maybe it takes more work than you thought it would. Don’t stop now. This post indicates you don’t intend to stop. Rather, I understand you want to press on, continue with the programs you are working (like DA) and do what it takes to go to college in the spring.

I also plan to start college in the spring. I just need to do the work, to submit my application and investigate financial aid options. And I need to clean the kitchen and wash my clothes.