“We don’t want anybody up here. We just tell people this place is nothing but a bunch of queers and weirdos,” my sponsor told me. There is a kernel of truth in it, of course, but there is a sweetness about the place and the people there that is hard to describe.
I exaggerated about the indoor plumbing/electricity feature of the town. Most of the people have running water. Some of them even have HOT water. And there is electrical service in the town which is serviced by its own small hydro-electric plant, but people don’t use it much. Even so, it is remote. I haven’t heard quiet like that or seen dark like that in a long, long time.
The first night we grilled steaks on a campfire. watched stars shooting through the night sky, and had dessert with some neighbors. During the next day I listened to AA speaker CDs, CDs about the Eightfold Path. I enjoyed the hot springs and the wilderness. We had breakfast with friends and went for walks. I took pictures of dead pickup trucks which are allowed to remain there to deter the Sun Valley people from discovering how wonderful the place it. I read and napped and practiced meditating.
Why did I have such a hard time realizing that having a Higher Power does not mean having a deity? I am more and more convinced that having a Higher Power without having a deity is necessary for me and that my path back to feeling connected to that Power will largely be the byproduct of practice. The small time I devoted to the practice certainly led me to believe that, as the book Alcoholics Anonymous says, “we can but clear the ground a bit” and that clearing the ground through a practice of meditation may be the hinge upon which my progress turns.
I was in a great place to begin a practice, not having the usual distractions of home and office around. Even so, focusing on mere breath is not as easy as it sounds
“Somewhere in the process, you will come face to face with the sudden and shocking realization that you are completely crazy. Your mind is a shrieking, gibbering madhouse on wheels barreling pell-mell down the hill utterly out of control and helpless. No problem. You are not crazier than you were yesterday. It has always been this way, and you have just never noticed.” Bhante Henepola Gunaratana
That’s a relief. If there weren’t passages like this in the guide I was reading I would be sure, as I have always been, that I wasn’t doing it right.
Anyway, I imagine that things are as they should be, and I imagine that I am still on track, even if it does not appear to me that I am. I just know that
Tags: Higher Power, Meditation, Spirituality
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sounds like a cool place. I love it when people choose unconventional lifestyles
yep, the mind is a gibbering bafoon, but most of us just havent noticed
hehe
well be patient with the unfolding ‘gibber’ and perhaps it will quiet down a bit
all sounds very healthy. It is good to see that you are able to recognize your old need to cling to the idea of a deity, and that you learn to see that this is not a reliable interpretation of reality.. whatever that it? reality is sooo much weirder than we ever thought all we can do rally is enjoy the ride Bill Hicks: What is the point to Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q95kX_EP2Nk
this is about right
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BTW
‘is a sweetness about the place and the people there that is hard to describe.’thats cool meditation energy. you get it where people meditate. every time you do ‘good’ stuff, the energy gets ? lighter. cant describe it, but you can FEEL it when you are in it.
when we help other alcoholics we are improving our own mental environment in a similar way. and other people can feel it too when we speak to them after thinking of others.
what i mean is, the thing you describe feeling here is REAL. no its not visible to the normal human eye, but its REAL.
and when you do stuff like this trip, or helping others, or doing the steps, you MOVE TOWARDS, and BECOME LIKE, ‘that’ thing you are feeling.
cool huh? other people benefit from it too, which is nice.anyway glad you are basking in the ‘grouo soup’ as they call it..
sometimes the after effects of these kinds of trips can be tough. the old life can seem wanting. unsatisfying. the old habits are like an uncomfortable pair of shoes, and we are sometimes forced to cut away the dead wood. old freinds. old dreams are cast aside. we ‘want’ less. we can become nihilistic.
if you can cope beyond that point, then the world falls into place once again, on a slightly different footing. can seem a bit depressing because the ‘world’ looks so hollow’ but its alright really.
you just gotta keep on keeping on, even if it all looks a bit of a sham‘whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.’http://www.fleurdelis.com/desiderata.htm
yes and i always knew you were paying attention btw, but nice of you to say so anyway
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