I had just left the all time, well at least one of the bottom 10, all time worst AA meetings I have ever been in. I’m not judging. I’m just saying. I left grateful that I’m me, and I’m at this place in recovery. Enough said.
So the 10:00 meeting I was at is right next door to the supermarket and I had to pick up stuff for lunch so that I can eat lunch when I go to work (WAHOO! YEAH BABY! I GOT OFF MY FAT, POMPOUS ASS AND GOT A FREAKING JOB! WHOOO!) tomorrow. (In a related story, I’ll be designing and selling storage solutions -closets. I figure I’ve spent enough time in them that decorating them is the next logical step.)
In line in front of me were a couple of great looking guys. The one in his early 30s was just fantastic looking. Gorgeous teeth, stunning blue eyes, breathtaking legs. The guy with him, a mid-20s twink, was kind of red eyes, not nearly as impeccably groomed, but handsome just the same. The were both pretty animated; pretty smiley. Obviously together.
They were buying a 12 pack. And a roll of aluminum foil.
You know where my head went. I’m irritated and disgusted. And I’m kind of sad and lonely.
-
Congratulations! You got a job!
“I’ll be designing and selling storage solutions -closets. I figure I’ve spent enough time in them that decorating them is the next logical step.”
Made me laugh enthusiastically! (I was going to say “long and hard” but that just sounded a bit too suggestive to me, and that’s not where I’m going with this.)You have the strength. You have the tools. You are working it. Shit like this (the aluminum foil) comes up from out of nowhere and smacks you in the face. It hurts. It opens some pretty fresh wounds. But you have the strength, the tools. I sense a lot of progress. Don’t know you very well, but from what I have read recently you know how to get up. You know how to fight. That’s something to be proud of.
Hang in there Chris. -
You know, when I have those moments where envy and judgement get all mixed up, I just have to take a step back and repeat after me: The lives of these strangers have nothing to do with mine. Their looks are not a referendum on mine, their youth not a finger pointing at my age, their presumed love of intoxicating does not require a conclusion on my part one way or the other. They could be medicating misery, or they might have been having a lovely gathering of a group of friends who have 2 beers each and they need the foil to bake chicken. My focus on them is another way of placing the problem or solution outside of myself. And then I smile.
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