During the first few months out of treatment about all I could do was eat, sleep (but not well) and go to meetings. I went to at least two and sometimes three or four a day. That probably saved my life. In ‘To the Wives’ it talks about four different kinds of alcoholics. I’m sure the same types apply for people whose primary addiction is something other than alcohol. Among those I am the 4th type. Turns out that’s probably a good thing, at least in terms of being able to draw a line between my problems and my alcohol and drug use. AA really works best for hopeless cases. Now that I’m employable again I have fewer hours to devote myself to meetings, to writing and to doing step work. Even so, I typically attend two a day. I should be writing and doing step work more. I’ll get there. Sometimes slowly, right? I’m really glad that when I was in treatment I got it that there was a connection between doing step work and going to meetings and long term recovery. I’m glad the idea that I could ever use again was removed, at least for now. I’m glad that I lived. I didn’t think last December that I wanted to. I thought I wanted die. It turns out I just don’t know how to live.
I guess one of the reasons this is especially on my mind, the reason I’m writing about it, is that I learned over the weekend that two of the people I was in treatment with . . . are dead. One O.D.’d. The other’s liver exploded. They were people I would have bet money would stay sober. I wouldn’t have bet on me. Saying it’s a deadly disease and knowing it’s a deadly disease are very different, as different as saying you believe in God and knowing that God IS.
All of that begs the question, ‘am I doing all I can do to insure my recovery?’ Am I willing to go to any length? Am I fearless? Am I placing my recovery ahead of everything else? Now that the water is shallow, am I still holding on like a drowning man? Am I carrying the message of hope to the hopeless? Seeking God’s will instead of mine?
In all honesty the answer is, ‘probably not.’ But I’m glad to be reminded of what needs to come first.
-
Dear Last Chance
Are you a PHARISEE? The BIG BOOK is NOT the word of God – the BIBLE, IS. You are not an alcoholic/addict, but a SINNER – just like me. The word, ALCOHOLIC, is not in the Bible!! JESUS CHRIST died on a cross for your sins – not Bill Wilson. AA/12 Steps is the work of Satan – you have been deluded, like millions of other STEPPERS. The only way to SALVATION is through JESUS CHRIST, the Son of God. I, MICKY, am a GIFT to all people!!
GOSPEL:
Luke 12:1-7
At that time:
So many people were crowding together
that they were trampling one another underfoot.
Jesus began to speak, first to his disciples,
“Beware of the leaven–that is, the hypocrisy–of the Pharisees.
“There is nothing concealed that will not be revealed,
nor secret that will not be known.
Therefore whatever you have said in the darkness
will be heard in the light,
and what you have whispered behind closed doors
will be proclaimed on the housetops.
I tell you, my friends,
do not be afraid of those who kill the body
but after that can do no more.
I shall show you whom to fear.
Be afraid of the one who after killing
has the power to cast into Gehenna;
yes, I tell you, be afraid of that one.
Are not five sparrows sold for two small coins?
Yet not one of them has escaped the notice of God.
Even the hairs of your head have all been counted.
Do not be afraid.
You are worth more than many sparrows.â€
PEACE BE WITH YOU
MICKY http://michael-micky.blogspot.com/ -
Indeed, Micky, the Big Book is not the Bible. And thank God for that. From what I know of Jesus I don’t think he would have approved of anyone thinking that the Bible was the only truth and that he was the only path to salvation. A close reading of the sermon on the mount should verify that. Jesus wasn’t executed for being the Son of God or for being a heretic. He was executed for being a political radical and his radical idea was that a persons relationship with their Creator was personal. We didn’t need High Priests. We didn’t need animal sacrifice. We just needed to talk to Him. I would defend to the death the right of Christians to practice their religion – so long as that practice doesn’t infringe on my relationship with God.
I’m not a sinner. I’m human. And I’m one of God’s children. Just like everyone else. And whether I like it or not, God has a plan for me. And so far that plan hasn’t required me to seek Him in a text, either ancient or new. It has only included that I seek Him in my heart – where He resides.
There are many paths to the mountain top, Micky. Just because I can’t see your’s from here doesn’t mean you won’t get there. The Buddhist poet Basho said over 5,000 years ago:
Four gates
Under one moon
Four templesAnd another book, with which you may be more familiar, says:
Seek and ye shall find.
Knock and it shall open unto you.The book I happen to be reading at the moment, not the word of God, but I believe divinely influenced (the men who wrote it were pretty devout Christians after all) says:
God does not make too hard terms with those who seek Him.
I have no doubt of that.
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