Your Image of Me Is What I Hope to Be

“[H]e had been using crystal meth constantly for several weeks, and was suffering from severe paranoia as a result, when he visited MyOutSpirit.com and saw the photo contest slogan, “Remember who you want to be.” He says that was the trigger that helped him quit using and start getting his life back together.”
- Ko Imani

Here I withhold many of the specifics of my own moment of clarity. Something so intimate and powerful is not well served by my shouting from the rooftops. I do well enough to shout in a general way that there is hope for the hopeless, help for the helpless and a solution to an unsolvable problem. I assume that Ko omitted details of the conversation above for much the same reason. I was struck, though, by the similarity of his friend’s experience to my own; something struck my soul at the perfect moment and kicked me into action. After many years in darkness I suddenly saw light.

Where our moments differ is only this: the image of what I wanted to be was profoundly warped. My experience was the realization (the miracle of healing really) that I had been created in the image of my Creator and I was not reflecting that image. Too much of my stubbornness and pride, my resentments, my faithlessness, hopelessness and fear stood in the way of being a reflection of God. My thoughts and actions had placed me too far away to reflect the “sunlight of the Spirit”. I did not suddenly remember what I wanted to be . I saw God’s image of me and I was compelled to act.

That is an experience I wish I could give away. I wish I could give it to the sponsee who called me today after spending last night slamming Dilaudid. I wish I could make him see the Light.

Texaco, originally uploaded by domit.