How to Share in a Meeting

I’d like to outline a simple and principled method of sharing a message of experience, strength and hope at meeting level. Following these suggested guidelines has enabled me to speak in a way that few people in meetings know how to. It is simple. It is effective. I try to follow these suggestions and I find that the more closely I adhere to them the more God can work through me.

Part of sharing is sharing time. Give others a chance to share. Three minutes is all it should take to carry the message at meeting level. (Humility and Service – Steps 7 & 12)

If you share a problem, also share the solution. (Hope, Faith, Integrity and Service – Steps 2, 3, 5 and 12)

Sharing IS carrying the message and that means sharing about a spiritual principle or step. (Hope, Faith and Service – Steps 2, 3 & 12 and Traditions 1, 5 and 11)

If God wants you to share someone will call on you. (Faith, Integrity and Humility – Steps 3, 5 and 7)

When you have very little to say, then say very little. Do not start by saying, “I really don’t have much to say”, and then ramble for the next 15 minutes. It is selfish and it blocks others from sharing the real message by taking up valuable meeting time. Brevity is the hallmark of efficacy. (Courage, Integrity, Willingness, Humility and Service – Steps 4, 5, 6, 7 and 12)

A 12 Step meeting is not group therapy, counseling, church or a garbage dump. This is the place to carry the message of recovery, not spread your disease. You are there to carry God’s message, not your own. We are, at best, vessels for the message of a loving Higher Power. (Hope, Faith, Humility, Brotherly Love, Spirituality and Service – Steps 2, 3, 7, 8, 11 and 12 and Traditions 5 and 11)

After you share do not get up and walk right out. Set an example for the newcomers. (Willingness, Humility, Brotherly Love and Service – Steps 6, 7, 8 and 12)

If you can’t get to the meeting on time you have surrendered your right to share. (Willingness, Humility and Service – Steps 6, 7 and 12 and Tradition 11)

A step or topic meeting is about that step or topic. It is not about you. If you know little or nothing about the step or topic then do not share.(Honesty, Integrity, Humility – Steps 1, 5 and 7)

If you share you should also contribute to the 7th Tradition. (Integrity, Willingness, Humility, Brotherly Love, Spirituality and Service – Steps 5, 6, 7, 8, 11 and 12 and Traditions 1 and 7)

Do not call on yourself. This is rude. This is not recovery. If you feel powerfully moved to share then politely attract the attention of the chairperson and wait to be recognized. (Honesty, Faith, Integrity, Willingness, Humility, Brotherly Love, Spirituality and Service – Steps 1, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 11 and 12 and Traditions 1, 2, 5, 9, 11 and 12)

This is by no means a comprehensive list of guidelines. “God will constantly disclose more to you and to us.” Furthermore, I have not been able to maintain anything like ‘perfect adherence’ to these principles. I have been able to share the message more effectively when I have been able to stay close to these guidelines and when I ask God to work through me to help the next sick and suffering alcoholic/addict.

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Raj on July 7, 2008 at 5:42 am

I have only recently started going to meetings in NA (since January this year) and I have been very infrequent even in this time. Whenever I have got a chance to share in meetings, I have mostly rambled useless garbage, this does not lift any weight of off my own heart or even identifies with anyone else who is listening to my sharing. Thanx for these guidelines. I will try this and see how it goes …
Dawn on September 6, 2008 at 1:46 pm

Fantastic summary. Clearyly stated and right on the mark. I have shared this with all my sponsees. Thanks for taking the time to put this together.
dave o on November 20, 2008 at 5:01 pm

remember there is a “before” the meeting and an “after” the meeting for sharing one on one, with a sponsor or a couple of AA’s those things that might not be good for the whole meeting– if you are not sure whether something should be shared, ask you sponsor
Chris on November 20, 2008 at 8:26 pm

That’s a really important point, dave o. Learning to discern what is right to share in meetings and what is right to share with our sponsor or those closest to us in the program doesn’t happen immediately. If I’m not sure, I always talk to my sponsor first.
Ramki India on January 22, 2009 at 11:20 pm

I was impressed by your article took afew copies and circulated it our group
Thanks a nice one
SnakeRiverDruid on January 27, 2009 at 12:58 pm

I might just print this for my sponsee’s.

Next subject could be “How to chair a meeting”.
Chris on January 27, 2009 at 2:50 pm

THAT is a FANTASTIC idea. I nominate you to write it! LOL
Jimmy on February 25, 2009 at 8:20 pm

I’m glad I found my way to this subject (and article) after a meeting tonite fraught with examples to the contrary. Someone even reacted to a 90 day “recovered” alcoholics personal homily with a “shut the f— up!” It was a mens loosely organized meeting which is often pretty raucus, yet serious.
I plan to pass this out at the next Group Conscience meeting.
Chris on February 25, 2009 at 11:54 pm

Thanks Jimmy. Sorry to hear about your meeting experience. I hope that you at least found something in that meeting motivated you to grow. Even the worst meetings can do that. It’s much easier though to just kind of check out, or worse, to sit in a meeting judging the people around you. The worst I’ve felt since I got sober was when I found myself in meetings often judging others, thinking how much nicer it would be to just spend the hour stabbing myself in the eye than listen to one more person who had never taken the steps tell me about how to take the steps. (I unfortunately actually HAVE pulled someone aside after a meeting and told them to “shut the F up.” I have grown a lot since then.)

I actually grew from that experience in part because I realized that they just weren’t having the same experience as me, and just because I could see the peak from my side of the mountain didn’t prove that they couldn’t see the peak from theirs. Sometimes now, if I’m finding myself in a meeting judging people again, I sit quietly and pray for each of the people in the room, individually, one by one, till my mind is quiet enough to listen for the solution or the opportunity to share my experience with it.

Thanks for your comment.
Larry on July 11, 2009 at 10:27 am

Excellent suggestions and a much needed and seldom addressed topic.

Two points:

No one is ever required to participate in the 7th tradition. As someone who showed up at AA eight years ago without a penny to my name, I am forever grateful that people explained to me that AA is free. I cringe when I hear people say “and a meeting is only a dollar.”

There are no “principles behind the steps”. (Those one word nemonics like Hope, Honesty, Justice etc) These seem to have taken on a life of their own. They simply don’t exist and whenever someone quotes them like they were fact they give them credence. Remember if its not anywhere in the literature it is not part of the AA program…
Denise L on August 19, 2009 at 3:16 pm

Larry, the principles behind the steps appear clearly stated in the NA literature: NA Step Working Guides. For each step, they are listed under the heading: Spiritual Principles.
Ben on October 28, 2009 at 10:15 pm

I recommend big book studies, they have played and are playing a vital role in my growing in understanding and effectiveness. I remember going to meetings and hearing 1 or 2 people share and I’d say to myself “that person is saying exactly what I’m thinking.” And I’d naturally be attracted to them but my ego would tell me to stay away from them because they know! They seemed to have what I wanted and but I didn’t know it at the time turns out they did have what I wanted! A spiritual awakening!!! And the book is what holds the directions to that! We beg of you to lay aside prejudice!! God set aside everything we THINK we know so we can have new and open minded experience, the illness centers in the mind, alcohol is not the problem, sobriety was my problem I hated how I felt sober and the only thing that “fixed” it was alcohol. I’ve found only 2 remedies for alcoholism the STEPS or ALCOHOL… God is everything or else He is nothing, what was our choice to be?
Chris on November 6, 2009 at 6:49 pm

Good point, Ben. I actually require anyone I sponsor to make a commitment to one of 2 book study meetings around here that I think are particularly good. I’ve seen people fail the program for any number of “reasons” but I’ve never seen the program, the steps, fail anyone.