What Could I Possibly Be Grateful For?

Well, I’ll tell you what, I’d better darn well figure it out because the bottomless well of self-pity that life has been as I’ve been detoxing off the days and days I spent on morphine and as I try to heal will kill me unless I change my glasses and look at what I’m grateful for.

1. Tonight 10 people I know from the program loved me enough to come over to my house and bring a meeting to me.  I haven’t been able to get out to one in like 3 weeks.   I’ve tried recently, but folding chairs kill me and I’m not that strong yet.
2. My dad came up from Las Vegas for the afternoon and let me cry on his shoulder and helped me regain some perspective, told me that when my brother-in-law, the doctor, first saw the x-ray and I was going into surgery how afraid they were that they were going to lose me and how my family, scattered across the country, cared enough to pray for me.
3. That I’ve somehow found myself surrounded by people, near and far, who have placed me in their prayers as well, and who are open to seeing opportunities and answers in the world around them (especially you, Bobbie).
4. I can walk around 3 blocks today and I could only walk around 1 block 4 days ago.
5. I was reminded how much I am now like the day I came through the doors of the program – and how much being willing to do whatever needs to be done will work for me again.
6. I will for sure be able to use this experience to show others how my Higher Power carried me through yet another situation I couldn’t have handled on my own.  The last time I had 2 years sober I got meningitis and after a similar time in the hospital on similar painkillers I relapsed into active crystal meth use.  This time I was willing to ask for help.
7. I do not have cancer.
8. I do not have emphysema.
9. I do not have HIV.
10. I may not have health insurance, and I may be paying off the $40K bill for this for a long time, but I got the care I needed when I needed it.  There are countries where this might have only cost me a few hundred dollars, but there are also countries where I would not have lived through this.
11. People have cared enough to keep my phone turned on, my car payment made, food in my fridge, and been available to walk around the blocks with me (just in case).
12. It is taking longer to get better than I would have ever guessed, but I am finally able to tell that I AM getting better.

There – it’s a short list, but it’s a start.