Finally. The days are getting longer. I start getting sad in September when the color of the light changes. More than any other month, bad things have happened to me in December. Apprehension and all the demands for merriness combine to make me feel guilty, as well as sad. If there ever was a time that I think it would be easier to simply ‘check out,’ it’s now.
I heard someone in a meeting last night say they knew they were supposed to feel grateful so I had to ask myself honestly if that is what I’m feeling – ungrateful. I am grateful. I’m just learning to navigate the holidays sober. It is only the 2nd one after all.
The days are getting longer now, and I’m happy about that. Every day we’re a bit closer to spring. Feeling grief and shame over winters past and fear over what may happen today, will all pass, as they always do. I’m just trying to focus on my gratitude and my hope – and the extra few minutes of light.
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There is something so very hopeful about the days getting longer. Tomorrow will last no longer than last Tuesday or Wednesday did, but it’s better, because it is longer than today and tomorrow will be ever so slightly longer still. Hope. Is that what keeps us going?
Navigating the holiday sober is tricky. Possible, better than not sober, but not easy. I hope you can build new traditions, make some happy sober memories of the holidays and of December in general. Good luck.
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I am grateful to have you sober and in my life. I am grateful that you never gave up on yourself. I’m extremely grateful for the internet allowing us to stay together. I will be there in the spring and hopefully I can add alittle more joy to your day, and put alittle spring in your step. I love you dearly, you are loved by so many and we are all here for you. T-
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i am grateful for you. i am grateful this year, so much more than this time last year, when i had all of three weeks’ sobriety and wanted to hurt myself.
what a difference a day makes, let alone a year
blessings, dear one. i hope for love and good health and continued sobriety in the new year for you.
love you.
(i am listening to joni mitchell’s blue on my iPod…the song “little green” is playing right now as i type to you…
Just a little green
Like the color when the spring is born
There’ll be crocuses to bring to school tomorrow
Just a little green
Like the nights when the northern lights perform
There’ll be icicles and birthday clothes
And sometimes there’ll be sorrow….well it sounded more “spring-like” when i didn’t write out the lyrics….my heart is in the right place as i am already hoping for spring as well)
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I am sorry to hear Decembers are tough for you. It is my fave month, mainly because partner and I are two of my three kids were born in this month. But the Seasonal Affective Disorder that comes with this dark month makes most of us kinda blue.
And i join the chorus of kudos for you and your blog. It is a rich, rich source of inspiration and reality. You don’t know how valuable you are to us!!
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Dearheart – Blessings on you. You took the time to talk to my boy who needs to know brave, sober men that still have humor, humility, and hope. I will always love you for that no matter what the future brings. Next year, you and me, driving around and looking at Christmas lights and just being us, two crazy kids that found Higher Power and true friendship…
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