Thin Again

I’ve always been a skinny person.  Before my addiction to crystal meth the most I ever in my life weighed was 180 pounds.  I’m also 6’4″ so while 180 isn’t exactly underweight it is only a 32″ waist.  Call it narcissism but it’s an aesthetic I really like on me.

Post crystal meth addiction I gained weight like I never have before.  When I got sober this time I came in at 170 lbs. and over the course of 90 days I put on 60 pounds.  That finally leveled off and I lost 15 of it, and I could have been content to continue weighing 215 pounds.  I would have rather that it was muscle weight and not all on my  stomach, but 215 wasn’t terrible.

After my surgery I packed on a whole new batch of weight.  I was all the way up to 245 at one point.  I went from being moderately active to absolutely sedentary.  I craved sugar all the time.  I have no self control, obviously, so I denied myself nothing.  I became so large that I couldn’t bend over to tie my shoes.  I had to cross my legs to do it.

While I was visiting my dad I got on his bathroom scale – 240 pounds.  I had one of those moments of clarity then that unless I did something about the problem it was only going to get worse.   Well, we alcoholics and addicts are people who are given to extremes, or so the tell me, so I guess I can accept the fact that I may be going slightly overboard in my pursuit of a skinny me again.

I figured out how many net calories I can consume per day to lose 2 pounds a week.  I track everything I eat.  Everything!  I have started exercising – walking mostly, but walking hard, for about an hour a day.  Every day I have come in well below my goal and I’ve lost 5 pounds.  I only need to lose 31 more pounds to no longer be classified as “overweight” – 35 or 40 to look cute in jeans again.

It has reminded me so much of those first, early days getting sober; knowing that there is a problem and that if is going to change I’m going to have to work for it.  It is simpler in some ways; calories in, calories out, target heart rate and all that.  It’s more complicated in others; you can’t simply abstain from eating.  I get to be conscious about all my choices.

I like it.  And I’m happy that I’m finally doing something about it.