Perverse Irony

c.a. Marks is right about needing to take some time.  I think I’d vote for a day or two or three, though.  I wish it was later in the year and I could go up to the lake.  I haven’t been there in a couple of years.  It’s a nice place to decompress.

I realize that none of the things that have been going on in or around my life recently have anything to do with me, really, but they have affected me.  Getting the flu had nothing to do with me, though it affected me.  Joe relapsing had nothing to do with me, though it affected me.  Even Gracie getting sick had nothing to do with me, though it broke my heart.

I don’t think I’ve had to endure three things like that in a row in the last two years.  I just.  Gosh, you know?  I miss my happy little rut.

The only thing in all of this that had anything to do with me is the smoking thing.  I chose to stop smoking.  I had a cigarette today and I think it was out of spite as much as anything.  Two cigarettes in ten days is really not the end of the world and it is no reason to give up on giving up smoking.

Here’s what I was mad about.

I quit smoking and saved all this money.  Nine days of not smoking put about $50 extra dollars in my pocket.

Basically exactly how much it cost me to euthanize my cat.

That’s fucked up.