I learned a little while ago that another person I know in the rooms successfully escaped feeling anything ever again. It happens more often than I’m comfortable with; people try to get sober and can’t and then intentionally or unintentionally end their suffering by ending their lives.
As a group we die a lot.
I wasn’t particularly fond of this cat. He was crazy. I am pretty selective about whom I hang around, but this guy was on the periphery of one of the groups I’m kind of close to. I had sat with this guy, who hated me (I’m not projecting – he told people that), on a number of occasions, while he struggled to ‘get it’.
When I heard that he committed suicide all I could think was, “Now I don’t have to try to be nice to him anymore.” I am not sad for him nor am I sad for myself.
There are people I care about though, who this will really hurt – and that breaks my heart.
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Its hard to love the unloveable ones.
Hurt people hurt people.
Yes he sounds antisocial, but like the ‘fire under the snow’ monk, who was tortured by the chinese, his greatest fear was that he would lose compassion for the chinese. this is because we damage our own karma by taking an uncompassionate view of our fellow man.http://www.fireunderthesnow.com/
Some people say indifference is worse than hatred. who knows. but in an ideal world we would feel compassion MORE for those who have become so sick that they act destructively toward others, as they are creating very bad karma for themselves and for all of us really. the emotional pollution is not confined to his experience. it spreads outwards, just as a healed and benevolent mindset also does.
well thats how i see it, but yes i am tested by others behavior and often have an impatient and intolerant reaction to difficult people. i try my best to maintain the most ? whole view of them that i can, so that i can see their humanity underneath the callous or unthinking behavior. i believe we are all connected, so I HAVE to try and help, even if i dont want to, as we all affect each other, so the more well they are, the better it is for me and for everyone else they come into contact with.
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i’ve noticed you have been referring to guys as “cats”. i wonder if this has been happening for a while, or if this is a new trend. it’s very kerouac of you… very beat..
i find that when unexpected death occurs, i struggle to understand just how i should feel. of course, i struggle with just how i should feel much more than at those times. but sadness and grief may have been drained from me so long ago that the reservoirs have not yet replenished. i am lucky if i can conjur up numb…
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