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Deep down at the bottom of happy, joyous and free lies fear; fear that if I were ever to throw my sobriety away I might never get it back. It seems the older we get, the more times we relapse, the harder it is to come back and fully embrace recovery. I suspect that, as [...]
I think I hate being in therapy. I mean, they make you look at yourself! And who wants to do that? I thought I’d done well enough having gotten through the 4th step and, after all, I’m still sober. I guess that isn’t entirely true. After an hour and a half with Anita yesterday I [...]
I am beyond furious and my sponsor is out of town. It happened again. I finally got last week’s paycheck cashed on Wednesday and today this week’s check bounced. Obviously, in spite of what my employer says, I need to find a new job. Read the rest of this entry »
“I wish I was smarter. I wish I was stronger.” Patty Griffin
It brings me no comfort knowing I’m in a position I’ve been in before; hopeless, out of answers, hurting and not knowing why. And I am frightened to find that at nearly three years sober, the longest I have been sober since [...]
There are natural limits on what I can compute on greed and will power alone, as I have said before, but greed and will power are my constant companions in the marketplace. I may be able to set them aside to some degree with respect to my disease and, to a lesser extent, with other [...]
To read more about how anger and resentment affect decision making in people, and therefor why it is fatal in addicts, I recommend “Portrait of the Angry Decision Maker” by Jennifer S. Lerner and Larissa Z. Tiedens.
To say that things at home have been tense is something of an understatement. One of the roommates has some pretty execrable behavior involving other people that I have grown very tired of. To paraphrase Elvis, a little less drama and a little more action, seem to be in order, yet there is very little [...]
It is so strange, and so strange that it is comforting to be again in the company of my family and among people who share my religious heritage. The Church (of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints – the Mormons) take a very dim view of homosexuality and of drug addiction. Now that [...]
I suppose I could place some of the blame on the fact that I hadn’t had any nicotine. This is day 18 without cigarettes. At 3PM I still hadn’t had a lozenge. It was not model behavior either, but nothing else was breaking in. So when the dog crap had sat on the dining room [...]
The Last Chance Texaco salutes . . .
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