Humility

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A Million Miracles

January 13, 2009 in Ephemera, Gratitude, Humility, Perseverance, Service, Willingness by Chris | 9 comments

I feel kind of petty for making a fuss over my upcoming AA birthday.  Two years is nothing.  I went Saturday to the celebration of someone’s quinquagenary in recovery.  Fifty years is a whole lot of “one day at a time”.  If you’ve eveer been afraid that no one will show up at your funeral, stick around and stay active in 12 step recovery for awhile.

If you’ve never been to a big conference or convention or a big sobriety anniversary celebration then you may have never experienced participating in a “sobriety countdown.”  Typically everyone already knows who has been sober the longest in the crowd.  Easily the case at this party as, to my knowledge, no one in Boise, Idaho has been sober longer than “Big” Barry W.  So the countdown starts at 50.  Then they ask for anyone who has been sober 49 years to stand.  48?  47?  Someone stood at 46 years and was counted. 45? 44? For every year 43 and lower at least one person, and usually more, stood up.  As the years got lower more people stood and more people stood till they had to start asking people to stay standing so they could get them counted.  Read the rest of this entry »

Do I now, or am I even willing to?

November 26, 2008 in Honesty, Humility, Integrity, Willingness by Chris | 4 comments

I’m trying a little expirement in extreme practice of the principles in a specific area of my life that I requires specific behavior that very, very few people, addict or no, ever do.

Am I above the law?  The practice of humility requires that I answer no to that question.  And if I am not above the law then practice of the principle of willingness requires me to follow all laws.  Am I humble enough and am I willing enough to follow all laws?  Am I able to practice enough integrity that I can apply the answer to those questions to the small things as well as the large?  Can I practice honesty enough to be really conscious of what that all means?

Do I now, or am I even willing to . . . always observe the speed limit? Read the rest of this entry »

Hansel needs some sugar in his bowl.

August 29, 2008 in Humility, Integrity by Chris | 1 comment

Seriously? That was border line rude. Me dissing you would have been having no plans, received your offer, and then made other plans.

It wasn’t borderline. What I did wasn’t borderline. It was rude and stupid and, seriously, I should be put out of my misery. First of all, I blame Oprah, because if I hadn’t been watchin’ the Oprah show I probably wouldn’t have been concerned, and therefore do what I did.

You see, Dr. Oz says that if you’re having less than 200 orgasms a year you’ll die. I’m kidding, but he did say that if you’re getting it that regularly your “real age” is about 4 years younger than your actual age. I’m fine with that. I got it pretty early that there were two ways to chance how I feel that, as a recovering person, are pretty safe: meditation and masturbation. Oz did say that it is preferable to have those orgasms with someone you love, That hasn’t happened since, like, 1993, which astonishes and horrifies me.

Read the rest of this entry »

Day 68 – I know your image of me is what I hope to be.

March 24, 2007 in Hope, Humility by Chris | No comments

It has been a long time since I could stand to have my picture taken. I’m feeling better, and more importantly (at least according to Billy Crystal) looking better. Well, they say it pays to advertise and since I’m already advertising exactly what kind of baggage this package contains I thought I might show all y’all the package, too. This is me, yesterday, having lunch with my friend Christina. I’ve put on 40 pounds in the last 71 days. My skin is clear. My eyes are clear. My hair is shiny. I don’t look anything like the man who was, in the words of Millay, “making friends with death.” I’m grateful today that I can stand to be seen in public.

I’ve been thinking this morning about the 12th tradition of NA which states that anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities. This is the tradition that always made me question if the Betty Ford Center hadn’t been named imprudently, particularly in light of the fact that every one of the dozen or so people I know that have been patients there have experienced relapse into active addiction. I also was reminded of the tradition this morning when Nikki was talking about Lindsay Lohan’s mother talking about her daughter attending AA meetings.

What I’ve come to beleive is that while principles before personalities certainly does speak to the need for 12 Step programs to protect themselves from All-Stars, it also speaks to me personally; to my need to get out of my own way and place a program of recovery ahead of my own personality. I, after all, am my own worst enemy. My natural state of being is fucked up. Left to my own devices I make friends with death. The tradition is there to protect me from myself as well as protect others from me and only by placing the principles of the program ahead of everything can I experience the kind of spiritual freedom that the program promises.

Today I will put my program ahead of my self.

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