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I’ve gone on here this long – why quit now. I’ve changed my mind. I do have somewhere anonymous to write now but . . . . this place still has meaning to me.
Wishing I Was Dead
At 40 days off cigarettes my back and ribs hurt me so much that I couldn’t move and for [...]
I suppose I could place some of the blame on the fact that I hadn’t had any nicotine. This is day 18 without cigarettes. At 3PM I still hadn’t had a lozenge. It was not model behavior either, but nothing else was breaking in. So when the dog crap had sat on the dining room [...]
I’ve been having this internal argument about smoking cessation with nicotine replacement therapy. Namely, in quitting smoking I’m really quitting 2 different addictions; smoking addiction and nicotine addiction. I have picked up a cigarette only twice in the last 16 days, and that has been made rather easy by the fact that my nicotine addiction [...]
Probably one of the most important things I learned in early recovery; time takes time. I was always looking for and expecting to see big changes, and I wouldn’t see any change or sometimes only little ones. My sponsor would tell me that time takes time.
There is no balm for grief like time. Even a [...]
c.a. Marks is right about needing to take some time. I think I’d vote for a day or two or three, though. I wish it was later in the year and I could go up to the lake. I haven’t been there in a couple of years. It’s a nice place to decompress.
I realize that [...]
I am furious, and I am passive aggressive and I have a hard time asking for what I need. I am so much like my mother you can’t believe it.
Discomfort is the que to grow, right? So when I become so uncomfortable that I’m running around slamming doors, chances are I am in the midst [...]
Well this is my 5th day without smoking cigarettes and it is getting a little easier to navigate. The cravings that do appear seem to come out of nowhere, but are related to events; finishing a meal, walking out of a meeting, getting out of bed – that sort of thing. The only place that [...]
Joe hasn’t been home in 3 days now, but he’s been seen and he’s terrible. He’s every horrible thing you can imagine about someone who has relapsed on heroin (or other heavy narcotics). His phone is dead so he can’t call anyone. Jake gave him my number but he refuses to call because he’s still [...]
Joe has been gone from the house for over 24 hours now, and has presumably accelerated his relapse into full on heroin use. I have not only been in close contact with my own sponsor about the situation and my actions in it, but I also got to go and hear him tell his story [...]
It’s the first day of recovery, again, for my first sponsee, Joe, who had the courage this morning, to admit that he relapsed. Perhaps it wasn’t courage really so much as the absense of an adequate denial. And perhaps it’s not the first day of a new recovery. Okay. Let me just be honest. He’s [...]
The Last Chance Texaco salutes . . .
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