Missing the Mark - but not so much

November 3, 2008 in Perseverance, Willingness | 4 comments

Still missing the mark.  But that’s fine.  I set it pretty high.  I didn’t actually expect I’d reach it. My theory that I tend to come in under the mark, but always by some ratio, seems to hold weight.  Going to bed last night in clean sheets and waking up this morning to a clean kitchen was really, really nice. Having less time to get these things done did actually motivate me to get them done.

My homework is done, too.  I’m prepared for class tonight.

My willingness to work at my recovery has followed much the same pattern.  I am much more willing to work for it when I really NEED to work for it.  When I can do things at my leisure I simply do nothing.  I do what I “have to” do; not what I “ought to” do.

I guess the lesson for me here is that I need to keep the bar raised really high if I want to accomplish much. The other thing I’m learning is how important it is for me to exersize the principles of courage and perseverance in all my affairs.  It is so easy to become immobilized by fear and to give up because it’s hard.  And I wonder how long I can do that, to be afraid and to give up on things, before it begins to affect my willingness to stay sober and not just the quality of my recovery.  Good lessons.

It’s still weird to have so much less time free to think and wonder, but there will be time enough for that during Christmas break.  And who knows, maybe by then it’ll be time to raise the bar again.

Tags:

  1. Lou on November 3, 2008 at 11:43 am

    I stop by but never left a comment. I enjoy the blog, and find much that relates to my experiences. I like your straight forward style. But then people who have been to the bottom & back usually are done bullshitting.
    Congrats on your ongoing meaningful recovery.

  2. Marc on November 3, 2008 at 2:07 pm

    I’m still hearing a willingness to perpetually grade yourself harshly. What would “hitting the mark” look like? Don’t you automatically set the mark always a little higher than wherever you’re hitting it?

  3. Chris on November 3, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    Thanks, Lou!

    And yes, Marc, I do automatically set the mark a little higher than what I’m hitting. Except that up until I was 15 I ALWAYS hit the mark. It didn’t matter how high it was set.
    Adults would ask me to do things that I thought were totally impossible and I’d exceed their expectations.

    For example, I had this goal to become an Eagle Scout. Most people make that by the time they are 16 or 17, if they work at it. I got the requirements done so early that I had to wait 6 months to get the award. They don’t let you have it till you’re at least 14. I was one of the 4 students in my middle school they started the “gifted and talented” program to accommodate.

    My sponsor says to shoot for the moon, ask for what I dream of, ask G-d to help me grow toward it, and then be grateful when I make it over the fence. And that makes sense to me. I am actually REALLY HAPPY, REALLY REALLY HAPPY with my productive output over the last week. I think I did fucking fantastic.

    Not what I was shooting for - but then I’ve got to aim high. My trajectory is lower than my aim. If I aim for even with where I am I seem to go barreling into the ground, and that’s what I’m working at overcoming. If I have a secret, concealed mark on the plane of realism that I don’t talk about, I got even closer to that.

  4. Bryan on November 4, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    i can totaly relate