Whatever 12 step program (or programs) we come from, we are a fellowship; “an elite group of experienced people who work together as peers”*, sharing our experience, strength, and hope with each other in the pursuit of a solution to our common problem and to help others to recover.
My sponsor/mentor/adviser/friend, a man who has been sober for 38 years, told me that there have been times when he’s shared at meeting level something painful he’s going through that other people have told him that he must not share things like that at meetings because he’ll scare off newcomers. They’ll think this thing doesn’t work. The fact that he’s managed to go through life sober for decades won’t speak for itself.
I couldn’t disagree more. One of the reasons that I chose Joe as my sponsor is the fact that he talks about what is really going on in his life, how difficult it is sometimes to pick up the tools, how practicing this program works, both in terms of how we practice it and in terms of the results we get. By sharing more than just his drunk-o-logue and letting people know what’s really going on with him, I was able to see that at the level of recovery we are peers. None of us are better or worse. Some of us just have more experience staying sober.
I also saw the power that sharing our experience has to help others step out of our personal dungeons of despair and into the solution.
I started keeping this blog on January 9, 2007. It was my 5th day clean. I relapsed 6 days later, right before I got on a bus to go to treatment. Through all of that and since then I have used this blog as a means to share my experience, as a meditation, as a prayer, as an inventory, all with the secondary objective of showing others that people like me do recover, if only for today.
I don’t spout too much 12 step history here. It’s not my history. I haven’t found that I need to rewrite my story or to deny what I’m experiencing in life in order to show that we recover. I share my story because I’ve learned that when I do, when I write about what’s really going on in my life, I get the support I need to make it through another day sober, I get closer to being the person my Creator intends me to become, and sometimes, someone says, “I wanted to thank you so much for posting about [that]. It’s given me the courage to finally start posting about [my] issues. And that has been good for me. Not only that, but other people have been reaching out to me [for help].”
And isn’t that our primary purpose?
*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fellow
Tags: 11th Tradition, 12th step, 5th Tradition, carrying the message, elite group, fellowship, primary purpose, Service
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I totally agree with you here. I picked my sponsor for the same reasons you picked yours. I heard her share with rigorous honesty no matter how it made her appear and I knew she was most likely someone I could build a real relationship with. She is. If I would have had to listen to people share only the ‘good stuff’ and leave out the human stuff then the pressure would have been to great because I know how human I can be and I’d like some company in that humanity.
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i remember those posts in 07 very well chris. they inspired me to post more ardently i believe. the fact that you found me online amazed me. i remember not even believing that someone had found my little blog.
this is a process, this business of sharing at meetings. there are always folks who are in a different space than we are. i struggle sometimes with my own issues around fellow participants and the things they say and the things they infer. i have even taken a break from meetings because they don’t seem very healthy to me.
several wise old timers have reminded me of the meetings necessity and to learn survival by taking what i need and leaving the rest under my chair. then i leave with a clear head and an open heart.
you know i only stopped blogging for a week chris. i felt uninspired, but i thnk i needed to decompress more.
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a wise grandmotherly type told me at a meeting that “when we stop sharing our feelings and our truths and start faking it, we are in dire straights”
Thank you for reminding me to be honest.
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Thanks for this post and thanks again for being here and sharing.
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