First of all, what the fuck happened to my wigits? They’re just gone. Erased. Blank. Vanished. I have to reconstruct every last custom setting that was in them which is a giant pain in the butt.
Tatum O’Neil is on crack? Are you kidding me? Tatum O’Neil allegedly smokes crack cocaine. And did I hear this correctly? She’s being charged with misdemeanor possession? Misdemeanor possession of crack cocaine? Who ever heard of such a thing? And this chick has kids. Lovely, lovely children.
When I was caught with methamphetamine it was a felony and when I dove headlong into my methamphetamine addiction I had no relationship with my family, no significant (or insignificant) other, and no children. I’ve always wondered if I would have traveled as far down the scale as I did if I had the ties of important relationships, particularly the ties of children. I think children would have taken up too much time to have ever been in a position to even be introduced to the stuff.
That’s almost an academic exercise though. I had an addictive mind and I would almost certainly have been a big pot head. I don’t think that would have had the same kind of destructive effects. I’m sure I could have gone on a long, long time being stoned without any serious consequences, but I would have been baked almost all the time.
The SSRI must be working because I woke up before my alarm this morning so that’s a really good thing.
The night before last a sponsee and my best friend got in a fight after a meeting. For awhile there it looked like it was going to become a physical altercation. I’m incredibly proud of my sponsee. He actually went home and wrote inventory. We 5th stepped it last night and I expect he’ll be cleaning up his side of the street tonight.
Another sponsee who doesn’t do the work told me last night that he’s “doing great”. When I busted him in a lie he told his parents he told me he lies to them “so they don’t worry”. And he’s joining the Marines. That ought to work out well for him.
That’s all. Happy Monday.
Tags: 4th Step, addict, Addiction, antidepressants, crack cocaine, inventory, methamphetamine, moral inventory, sponsorship
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June 2, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Wayward Son
Tatum has a past with opiates … heroin I think. She wrote a book about and was on Oprah who, because she did have children, was barely civil to her as a guest. (it’s Oprah so levels of civility are relevant) It’s hard to imagine her so disconnected with all that she has to support her but clearly she must be. I hope she finds a better way to cope with whatever it is she is having trouble with..
June 3, 2008 at 8:24 pm
dirty dishes
I was not surprised about Tatum. Maybe they will force her into rehab. As for you, you have been in my thoughts and prayers. Goodnight!
June 3, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Anonymous
A mother shared yesterday at a meeting recently, and suddenly all the other mothers shared similarly, that the very bottom of their bottom was the chilling realization that the love of their children was not enough to keep them sober.
Although it was enough to get them in the door, where AA and God could do the heavy lifting.
Btw, Welcome to Facebook! The difference from that very first picture of you in the glasses, illuminated by the dark screen, that I saw very early in your sobriety, and the dapper shots on FB is hallucinatory. (This is a compliment.)
June 3, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Marc
That “Anonymous” was me, but I cleared my cache and have had to put all my info in again when I comment. Or maybe it has something to do with your disappearing widgets.
June 4, 2008 at 1:30 am
Chris
Thanks for that, Marc. And thanks for sharing about the mothers. In the interest of full disclosure though, the picture was taken by someone who takes pretty good pictures. The light was better. And I airbrushed the shit out of it and lowered my hairline. Substantially. Since God has not relieved me of vanity I can only assume that it isn’t a defect that is keeping me from being useful.
June 4, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Marc
An aging gay man relieved of vanity! In your dreams!
The best we can hope for is a degree of graciousness in allowing the younger bucks their place in the sun without too much envy or a sense that the attention they are getting is someone stealing from what we ourselves might be getting.
I was a sexy young thing back in the day and I got plenty of attention in my chaps and harness, slinging beers at The Gauntlet. Even back then, I knew to appreciate it, and to try to put all the strokes I got into the Bank of Ego for later withdrawal. It’s about as effective as gorging on cake and wondering why you’re hungry three days later. The memory is nice, but my task is to be the best 49-year old I can be, and when I’m 60, I hope I’m singing the same tune. And can afford plastic surgery.
June 5, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Steve Rebooted
In my opinion, as a non-addict, if you’re addicted, you’re addicted. Regardless if attached or have kids. A sibling of mine was hooked on coke, a major drug-runner on the east coast in the 80’s. And yet, had 2 kids, a spouse, and a career. Regardless, everything came crashing down in the early 90’s.
June 6, 2008 at 11:03 am
pea
just stopping in to say i am sorry for your loss (of widgets). it takes a big man to even admit to having widgets; for your rigorous honesty, i am hugely grateful.
you are a hottie from hottingham, regardless of your hairline.
love you.
pea
June 9, 2008 at 1:43 am
Java
I have limited experience with addiction but vast experience with motherhood. With that caveat I say this: Children are a great source of joy AND stress. As Marc said, even their love for their children wasn’t enough to keep them sober. Being a mother can increase the guilt and self-loathing she feels in her addiction.