June 2008

You are currently browsing the monthly archive for June 2008.

I Feel So Sleezy

June 29, 2008 in Living in Recovery by Chris | 6 comments

Remember these? High school gym shorts from the 1980′s. Wow. At the time I thought they were pretty hot, at least on certain guys. You had to have pretty great legs to pul[ this look off, but there were always a couple of guys in gym class who fit the bill. I think the poly-knit ones we had in high school were actually a bit tighter, perhaps a bit shorter which was only made possible because the slits up the side were not quite as high. The closet of my youth was filled with the hope of a ‘costume failure’.

No one would ever dream of wearing these today, except perhaps on Halloween. High school gym shorts today are perforated nylon, loose, and come to the mid-thigh. Equally hot, on the right guy of course, if you ask me, but I’ve always thought that men are the most beautiful creatures. Read the rest of this entry »

Who is the Devil?

June 25, 2008 in Living in Recovery by Chris | 9 comments

I don’t get to see my sister often; usually at family events with our dad. She lives in Alaska with her daughter and husband. She has maintained a close relationship with our dad over the years, and I have only recently restored that relationship. Stephanie and I, the two oldest of four siblings, most closely resemble each other in many ways. Part of that is the fact that we are close in age and have experienced great hardship at close developmental stages. In many ways we are only separated by differences in personality and gender.

Stephanie actually went to treatment before I did. While I went to the Walker Center, a facility that specializes only in addiction and alcoholism, Stephanie went to Sierra Tucson, which offers more comprehensive treatment for a variety of disorders. Though she went believing she was going for treatment for addiction, she was quickly transferred to the trauma program. Read the rest of this entry »

A Perfect Storm – of Inconvenience

June 21, 2008 in Living in Recovery by Chris | 7 comments

We always talk about recovery as being a program of paradox.  I had never really thought about it before today but I think that addiction is paradox, too.  For 23 years after my first introduction to the solution I persevered in my effort to exhaust every possibility I could think of to control and enjoy my drinking and drug use.  I must be some kind of genius to have that many ideas.  I absolutely would not give up on that, in part because I could control my use or I could enjoy my use.  I just couldn’t seem to navigate that ‘and’.

In every other area of my life, though, I exhibited an extraordinary lack of tolerance for frustration.  I would give up at the drop of a hat.  Perhaps the only skill I had that surpassed my ability to give up was my ability to never start. Read the rest of this entry »

Confessions of a Blue Boy in a Red State

June 11, 2008 in Living in Recovery by Chris | 22 comments

Today is a good day.

Today is the first truly good day I’ve had in quite awhile.

I called my new sponsor today.  I’m seeing him tomorrow.  I’m starting the steps over from scratch.

I’m doing that because I want to learn how someone with nearly four decades sober, someone who has helped hundreds of people get sober, takes someone through the steps.

I’m also doing it because the level of insanity I’ve just put myself through seems to warrant it.  At least in my mind it does. Read the rest of this entry »

If You Lived Here You’d Be Home Now

June 10, 2008 in Living in Recovery by Chris | 8 comments

In the late 80s and early 90s they were not an uncommon site along the freeways leaving downtown Los Angeles; huge condo projects festooned with banners that read “If you lived here you’d be home now.” When the topic was brought up at a meeting, what are you doing today for your recovery, it’s what I immediately thought of. In the rooms we usually hear the same sentiment described as, “I live in the rooms and visit the world.”

I’m an egomaniac. I like my way better. Read the rest of this entry »

Me Not Meth

June 9, 2008 in Living in Recovery by Chris | 1 comment

MeNotMeth.org

You may have noticed a link at the bottom of my sidebar for Me Not Meth -a project of the California Department of Alcohol and Drug Programs. I’m giving them an extra plug here because they bribed me with a groovy t-shirt.

Yes. I’m cheap. Read the rest of this entry »

In My Spare Time I’m A Geek

June 9, 2008 in Living in Recovery by Chris | 4 comments

Over the last couple of days I’ve occupied my spare time building a custom search engine using Google’s search service.  You’ll find it at the top of my sidebar.  I have painstakingly included every single blog listed on the Top 100 Sober Blogs to be the exclusive sites searched for results on this engine. In other words, I’ve built a search engine that compiles the collected experience, strength and hope of over 150 sober bloggers. In the interest of full disclosure I should point out that I directly benefit from the Google advertising on the results pages and that may actually make this blog become self supporting. It is certainly better than placing advertising directly on the blog. But I also thought that it would be a great thing to have, a search engine that was specific to those in recovery looking for personal stories.

If any of you are interested in placing this search box on your own blog or if you’re interested in adding other blogs to the engine send me an email – outofgas@thelastchancetexaco.com – and I’ll send you the code to include or add the blog.

Peace out.

WTF?

June 2, 2008 in Living in Recovery by Chris | 9 comments

First of all, what the fuck happened to my wigits? They’re just gone. Erased. Blank. Vanished. I have to reconstruct every last custom setting that was in them which is a giant pain in the butt.

Tatum O’Neil is on crack? Are you kidding me? Tatum O’Neil allegedly smokes crack cocaine. And did I hear this correctly? She’s being charged with misdemeanor possession? Misdemeanor possession of crack cocaine? Who ever heard of such a thing? And this chick has kids. Lovely, lovely children.

When I was caught with methamphetamine it was a felony and when I dove headlong into my methamphetamine addiction I had no relationship with my family, no significant (or insignificant) other, and no children. I’ve always wondered if I would have traveled as far down the scale as I did if I had the ties of important relationships, particularly the ties of children. I think children would have taken up too much time to have ever been in a position to even be introduced to the stuff.

That’s almost an academic exercise though. I had an addictive mind and I would almost certainly have been a big pot head. I don’t think that would have had the same kind of destructive effects. I’m sure I could have gone on a long, long time being stoned without any serious consequences, but I would have been baked almost all the time. Read the rest of this entry »

get userping