You’re never too old . . .

Seriously. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. But I have to admit that even in their early-late thirties, a couple of these boys are undeniably hot. Bachelor numbers 1 and 2, specifically, whomever they are. I was never a fan. But if, at this advanced stage of boyhood, these guys can slap some lipstick on their pony and take the show back on the road, then I think there is hope that I can, too.

One of the items on my after care plan from the Walker Center was that I should go back to (and finish) college. So while I’m taking some time off my regular job and trying to cure this persistant sinus infection, not successfully yet in spite of the netti pot, etc., I thought it would be a good idea to make some progress toward that goal.

I went over to BSU yesterday and renewed my application for admission. I originally thought of simply doing one of the technical programs. A welding certificate would nearly double my income inside of 9 months and not really occupy any of the particular type of mental energy to continue really persuing recovery. It seemed like a good intermediate plan.

I may have to retool that plan, though. It seems that the last 2 semesters I tried to go, thinking that school would get me sober, I did such damage to my academic record that I am no longer eligeble for financial aid, aid which will be absolutely required if I am to be able to go back at all. I’m optimistic that things will work out.

That is really one of the most amazing parts of 12 step recovery, particularly after one has taken the steps. In taking each of the steps, one gains understanding of and experience with what we call “spiritual principles.” The could just as easily be called ethics or virtues, but they seem to be universal to every spiritual path and most secular plans for living. And by enumerating and naming these principles they are easier to identify, both when they are being practiced and when something isn’t working out right and I need to do something different.

Principles that are intuitively operative in the series of flaming hoops I currently have to jump through in order to reach this longer term goal are

• Honesty (1st step) - You can’t believe how much the people at BSU want you to be able to get an education. Telling them that I was way too high to be attending school and that in the last 2 years I’ve taken significant action to fix the problem has really opened doors to getting the schools support in finding a solution.
• Hope (2nd step) - I did great on the placement tests and my previous academic record show that I am capable of doing well in school, and with a path opening up for me to return there may be the possibility of reaching my goal.
• Faith (3rd step) - If it is part of my Creators plan for me that path will clear itself.
• Courage (4th step) - This would never happen if I didn’t take action.
• Integrity (5th step) - I have been able to have my actions (showing up, making the application, taking the tests) match what I say I want to do.and without going into totally obvious detail about the others,
• Willingness (6th step)
• Humility (7th step)
• Brotherly Love (8th step) not super in operation here, but maybe I’m not seeing it.
• Justice (or Accountability - 9th step)
• Perseverance (10th step)

So it seems that in order to solve the “academic progress” hoop, I have to return to an academic program. That could easily be the hand of my HP letting me know that welding is not in my future. And it seems that academic counseling will be required. I was directed to the department that helps returning and non-traditional students and I have an appointment on Tuesday. I am taking the writing placement test again because I missed the cutoff for testing out of English 101 by ONE POINT. I need to take a non-credit math class, but thats no surprise. And finally, the financial aid counselor got me the paperwork to appeal the aid decision, congratulated me on getting sober, let me know what they needed to override their decision, and congratulated me again.

So I’m optimistic. I will get to school. And I may get to school sooner that later. So I guess you’re never too old to start again. Even if the dance moves have changed.