Lame

Lame I

This is Grace. Gracie.

Grace saved me from getting a dog. Sort of the same way I was delivered to grace when I was broken, Grace was delivered to me broken. You’ll notice her right leg is kind of at an odd angle. I’m thinking it’s just dislocated because there isn’t significant swelling, but someone obviously stepped on her. She’s a little shy, especially of feet. And it obviously hurts her to put pressure on that leg. So I have to get the kid some medical care.

Lame II

I just left an AA meeting where there was a newcomer and someone who has struggled with relapse, who’s struggling still and who brought up the topic. A friend of mine has pointed out that we don’t call on ourselves at meetings. For the most part I tend to agree. If the meeting is going to hell I’ll call on myself but otherwise? God can work it out. But a part of embracing that paradigm is remembering that if I’m called on I should be willing to share my experience, strength and hope. If we don’t call on ourselves then when we are called on it is for a reason. And at this meeting, with the newcomer and the struggling retread, three people were called on in succession; three people with multiple years of sobriety and who have all worked all 12 steps.

Three times in succession people with the solution were called on and each of them passed. “I’m just here to listen.”

You’re just here to listen?

Fuck you just here to listen. That is not a reason to go to a meeting. Don’t say that we don’t call on ourselves and then when you’re called on refuse to share. When you’ve got the solution and when there are people who need it. Carry the message. Practice the principles or get the fuck out.

Lame III

The imaginary future ex-husband was arrested the other night. Birthdays. Mother’s Day. He has amazing timing, huh?

Misdemeanor DUI and felony possession of a controlled substance. Those of us who care about him have seen this coming since late November. Considering the effort that was put into ‘being there’ for him, something I have never enjoyed, I am disgusted that so much time and energy can go into a lost cause, throwing the message away on a “cannot or will not” rather than simply carrying the message to men who are sitting in that meeting, looking for the answer, willing to show up.

IFX has been paroled 3 times on his original charge, possession, and now he’s violated on a new possession charge. Imposition of his original sentence will mean he is gone for a minimum of 5 years.

I’m truly happy to not be my cat, to not be a newcomer in that meeting, to not be one of the ‘old timers’ in that meeting, to not be the IFX and to not be involved with the IFX today. And I am grateful that for all my kvetching today that I have a solution; that I don’t have to continue to be dragged down spiritually by such things. I’m grateful that the lame like me can walk again the minute they are willing to.