Comments on: Flippin’ Idiot

By: Java

Java — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 17:17:19 +0000

What I see here: growing pains
And a lot more, but I’m having trouble concentrating this morning, so that’s about all I can focus on right now.

Thanks for your comment on my blog. Som’n’ I wanted to say about that, too, but I forget.
Spacey day.

By: BoyGrowsUp

BoyGrowsUp — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 04:02:53 +0000

Chris- I don’t know how much comfort you can take in this statement, but I feel like I’m reading my own writing when I read this post. I’m probably projecting more than a tad here, but it just feels to me like you are saying: “I’ve been trying so hard, for so long, and doing everything I know that is right, and yet something seems amiss. I’m tired, and I’m disappointed.”

Anyway, that is how I feel right now. I feel like for almost one year now, I have literally done every single freaking thing I know of to set things right, to recover, to start anew, to be proactive, to work with a positive attitude, to trust that I will be ok. And yet seemingly inextricable shit remains interwoven in my life (mainly in the form of hateful, vindictive people from my past). My particulars are different from yours, but parallel. And after a string of days where I work very, very hard 24/7 to keep my game face on, I wake up the next morning and want to fucking throw it all away.

So, brother, I’m here with ya. All I can say is, reading your blog, I find you to be a person of exceedingly admirable character, attitude and faith. A role model, as such, and say that sincerely.

We who travel a tortured road seem to brood over things that so many people are blithely unaware of or unconcerned about. That does not make us better or worse, just more finely tuned to certain realities. I try to keep that in mind when I feel like I do now, like you have expressed so eloquently.

By: pam

pam — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 22:17:40 +0000

I know that the road is so narrow for me right now that I’m actually hopping on one foot.

By: Dirty Dishes

Dirty Dishes — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 04:37:29 +0000

I used to struggle with doing inventories too, but the benefits are so awesome! I no longer have to get all twisted up inside and out before I surrender. It’s about taking care of me, and staying sober. I know how to stay sober, don’t drink or use, it’s the taking care of me I am still trying to figure out, but that’s OK! Love ya!

By: Chris

Chris — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 17:15:59 +0000

i belong here and i have work to do.

yeah - exactly. just, sometimes I do it slowly. thanks for your comments.

By: warrior scout

warrior scout — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 17:01:53 +0000

hey chris-
one of the things i struggle with is self acceptance. i somehow hold myself up to a tougher level of expectations than i do others. i find i willingly and eagerly accept the notion that others err or make mistakes or create a bit harm as they live their lives. i can understand this and can move past this fairly easily. however, when i do the very same things, somehow i thing the world suddenly becomes a much more jagged and dangerous place to be. i think i need to be punished.
as i practice self-acceptance more, i realiize that my shortcomings and my defects are no more or no less an aberration than anyone else’s. they are just part of who i am. god, i still struggle with this sometimes. i think that i should know better. i think that i am worthless. i think that i am the most vile.
not so. i’m just a guy. i’m the same person. i just have to remember to let go of separating myself from the rest of the world. for some reason, i belong here and i have work to do.

By: c.a. Marks

c.a. Marks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 11:25:53 +0000

Yeah, well, that’ll happen from time to time. Just because we are sober and are working “the program” doesn’t mean life is going to be happy, joyous, and free ALL of the time - at least not 24 hours in a row, continually. Keep up the good work, you’re doing great. At least you ARE “doing.” Progress not perfection. This too shall pass. You know the deal. Thanks for writing.

By: pat

pat — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 02:26:09 +0000

For everything you have gone through, you appear remarkably focused and have a great deal of insight. From what you have written here, one can tell you are certainly doing the work, even though at times it is hard and truly sucks. Here is to hoping things get a little easier soon. Hugs.