Plays Well With Others

February 17, 2008 in Uncategorized | 3 comments

“The essence of true friendship is to make allowances for another’s little lapses.”
David Storey

I ran into a friend at a meeting last night. A friend who’s company I parted on not so friendly terms some months ago. A friend about whom I have written much 4th step inventory. While I have been diligent about much of ‘the work’, in the area of making (9th step) amends I have been a bit of a slacker. I’ve probably spent as much time googling my victims trying to figure out which ones are dead as I have contacting those who are living. The only area where I’ve shown anything like real courage is in the area of making amends to the State of Idaho. So there I am at a meeting that almost didn’t happen due to lack of attendance, the usual crowd away at an AA dance (I can’t even think about dancing sober, but I digress) when Corinne walks in. She sparkles. She is irrepressible. She is completely darling. When we got along, we got along so well. When we parted there was much hurt on both sides.

It took me some time and some effort to stop seeing myself as a victim of the situation; to see that I had a role, perhaps a significant role, in creating the situation. Corinne and I have seen each other on a couple of occasions in the last seven months or so, but never really talked. I stopped going to meetings that she went to. I never mentioned her to mutual friends. I just kind of erased her from my consciousness. But there she was last night and that still, quiet voice told me that now was the time to clean up my side of the street.

After the meeting I got her attention, we sat down for a minute, I explained my understanding of what it was I had done that had harmed her and asked what I could do to make things right. And then, as I have learned to do, I shut up. I shut up and listened to the answer. Her answer was this. “I had a huge part in it, too, honey,” and she threw open her arms and hugged me.

See? Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?