Comments on: Score Cards Read Zero

By: BoyGrowsUp

BoyGrowsUp — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 07:19:00 +0000

Thanks for the insight into the family that holds more than one addict. I don’t know this dynamic, being the only “black sheep” addict in my family. It strikes me by your words what a resource and potential ally you could be for this hurting, disabled family member — if that opportunity presents itself, or continues to present itself. Which is another way of saying, “Hey, look at where you are today. Once a cripple yourself, you have journeyed away from dependency in order to survive and become strong. And now you might could be part of that equation for others.”

This post gave me new insight. Thanks.

By: Just Another Addict

Just Another Addict — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 17:42:59 +0000

This is tough, tough stuff. I have gone through the same with my beloved sister. You are right - G-d’s hands.
I feel you, brother!

By: Erin

Erin — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 02:08:42 +0000

It’s tough to have to sit back and watch a loved one’s addiction play out right? I have had to do the same thing with a close member of my family since I entered into recovery and it was heartbreaking.

You know the saying “accept the things I cannot change” well baby doll, this is one of those things. But, as anyone who has experienced this type of thing will tell you, accepting a situation for what it is does not take the hurt and fear out of it…unfortunately.

We all know that in order for us to climb back up we usually need to hit the bottom. How far down that is differs from person to person but I think you’ll agree that your family member is definitely descending quickly.

I’m sorry that you have to sit back and just watch…it’s tough.

By: rod

rod — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:10:25 +0000

i am learning through al-anon that it is completely okay for me to be making choices towards sanity while someone i love chooses a different direction. they have that choice and the ability to choose for their own lives. and i can love them no matter what their choice looks like. as long as i set boundaries for myself.

god this sounds so lovely, but easy it ain’t at all…..

practice my friend.. certainly not perfection…

By: The Traveler

The Traveler — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 22:53:40 +0000

There are shattered hearts on both sides of the addiction fence. It’s a powerful, infiltrating disease.

-TT

By: Chris

Chris — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 05:44:06 +0000

I only heard “This is My Life” a couple of days ago and damn if I don’t think I finally found my theme song!

as far as intervention - we’ve been down this path before. she doesn’t need us. she doesn’t care about how we feel. she’d as soon kill us as look at us. I think we may have finally all been disowned and disinherited. pity, i was counting on it for my retirement. but the terms were too high. she has to go break. or die.

she’s in G’s hands -

By: Dirty Dishes

Dirty Dishes — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 04:29:34 +0000

I think you are in the right place on this one. You are doing the single and most difficult thing right now, sitting back and waiting for her to ask for your help. Prayers to your family.

PS-One a lighter note, thanks for the Shirley Bassey, I love GOLD FINGER!!!!!!!WAH WAH WAAAAAAAAAAH

By: pen

pen — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 16:15:35 +0000

the saddest thing is to watch someone — anyone — go through the suffering and struggles that come with the stronghold of addiction. it is especially difficult when it is someone we love, regardless of the past pain that has been (and still continues to be) inflicted.

what’s next? what happens next for your loved one? has there ever been an intervention and who would decide that for her?

would you attend? would you be able to attend? would you see an intervention as maybe being a big step in your amends and resolution of your own resentments and anger toward this family member?

the hardest thing i had to do was forgive my absentee father. he had been an alcoholic and addict on so many levels that we went 23 years with no discussion, and he rejected whatever overtures i had made in my early-20’s to being reconciled. it was a bitter pill to swallow, returning a phone call but it was dissolved in our first conversation amidst both of our tears. what i hadn’t realized until i made that call was that he was in recovery and was sober (as of that year) a total of 17 years. his sobriety date was my birthday.

here was a man i thought i could never forgive. someone who was broken and had hit his bottom (which bottom i never had the desire to know what it was) who has become, post-humously, one of my biggest heroes because he had the willingness to recognize his brokenness and need for forgiveness. it was powerful when it came; i will never regret having made that phone call.

(again, i must emphasize he was in recovery and attended meetings and worked his program to the nth degree. there may be some time needed in between for you and your relative. but don’t dismiss it out-of-hand. God has it completely in control; be open.)

heart you.