Comments on: Easy never did it.

By: Chris

Chris — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 16:12:45 +0000

goofy, has great taste, reads (real books, not pulp), serious, good teeth, doesn’t bite his nails, knows how to share in a meeting, knows how to chair a meeting, knows how to work steps and works with others and with a sponsor, still, in his heart of hearts and despite all evidence to the contrary, believes that someday his prince will come, likes virtually ALL vegetables, puts the lid down, doesn’t leave messes in the kitchen even when he’s cooking, knows how to cook, loves art (though his exposure to it is somewhat limited by geography), loves theater (but most especially modern American musical theater), can rip out all the dead sod in your back yard in an afternoon, can finish and assemble the new ash bookcases you bought at Home Depot and enjoy it.

blah blah blah

I like me, Marc. I do. Perhaps that’s why the things I don’t like disturb me so much.

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 21:43:21 +0000

If someone asked me to characterize myself I’d be hard pressed to keep it at 5, Marc. And not one of them would be truly negative; perhaps a couple would be left-handed but then I’m left handed, too. My intent with examining the pain is just like my intent with inventory, to identify and be rid of those things which stand in the way of being useful to God and my fellows, to change the things which I can change and identify the things which God can change that have been the underlying cause of my troubles.

Just a quick list, lest you think I’m kidding:

Bright, funny, kind, generous, patient, good looking, thrifty, brave, honest, compassionate, willing, appreciative, creative, persistent, just, tolerant, hopeful, long suffering, interested, curious, quick, gentle, warm

my 60 seconds are up.

By: Marc

Marc — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 19:09:01 +0000

“I don’t know who I am even with the pain.”
Right. My contention is that when you (or me, or anyone) doesn’t have a sense of who they are, they tend to create definitions based as mostly from the negatives, like they are the outlines against which they feel most real.
What I want to encourage you to do is to make sure if someone asks you for the 5 traits that best characterize you, you can list 5 positive things first. Because I get the feeling that what first comes to mind is stuff like: “I’m someone who can’t, won’t, doesn’t [INSERT].” And you’re smart, funny, loyal, open, perceptive and sensitive for starters. See’s that’s 6, right there. Why don’t you add 4 more positives and carry a list of them around? Don’t forget a 4th step is an inventory of your defects AND assets. I think you owe it to yourself to make sure that last part gets equal time.

By: Rae

Rae — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 17:37:56 +0000

Thanks for stopping by my site, which gave me a chance to discover yours. Wow! I love your writing and your clarity. And most of all I see a true willingness to work with others. I think this is the area where the fellowships that follow in the “tradition of AA” are lacking. That is one of the primary reasons I want to work through my steps and recovery. Sponsorship is good for me and for the people I am able to work with. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and humility here.

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 04:50:47 +0000

“But it’s a lot easier to let go of that when you don’t define yourself in relation to how much pain you’re usually in, when you let go fear that without your pain, you won’t know who you are.”

I don’t know who I am even with the pain. It’s just a constant process of seeking. When it’s pain I’m sure it’s not God’s will for me. Vis a vis the IFX. And that’s actually an example of what I’m talking about. That required effort to solve - still requires effort.

You’re dead on about the “We relax. We take it easy,” being about our approach to things.

This idea about wisdom to know the difference between what I have to accept and what I can change coming from trying to change things and failing is not new and not unique to me. It wasn’t my idea. The earliest clear record of the idea I can find is from Sophocles’s play, Antigone. “All men may err; but he that keepeth not his folly, but repenteth, doeth well; but stubbornness cometh to great trouble.” Similarly, Albert Einstein said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.”

The thing that stands out to me is the word ‘tried.’ The application of effort, the willingness to learn from the mistakes, is the heart of wisdom.

By: tom

tom — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 03:54:04 +0000

This post is right on. I wrote about the same topic a few days back, to say, basically, that life’’s lessons don’t seem to originate in the pleasurable, easy, trouble-free moments of our lives. Can you think of a profound, life-changing lesson that occurred as a result of something hugely pleasurable or right happening in your life? (Ok, maybe becoming a Dad is an exception.)

So I have to give thanks (gulp!) for the royal screwups I’ve committed, for the grim chapters where I made ALL the wrong decisions and was behaving the worst I could behave. Because that laid the foundation for a new person to emerge.

Thanks for your blog. I really enjoy reading it.

By: Marc

Marc — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 22:41:16 +0000

I have never heard “Easy does it” as having anything to do with how “easy” something is. I hear it as referring to the manner in which one does things. I think it arose from those with a bit of time under their belt (though only a few years when the Big Book was written) noticing how the newcomer would often try awfully hard to leapfrog into the state of longer term sobriety. Trying to tackle their 4th step or make their amends when they had a couple of weeks sober, and thinking themselves somehow inadequate if they weren’t farther along, faster. I think it’s is the gentlest of suggestions to simply take things a day at time, not to force things, and taken that way, it is an excellent suggestion for anybody. Somehow going from that to a contrary position that if it isn’t hard, it isn’t worth doing, seems to me a rather tortuous (and defensive) leap of logic.
Acceptance mean staying out of the “should” — that place of inadequacy one feels when things aren’t happening the way one thinks they should–as if that equals some sort of failure. You’re the one who characterizes the results in your life, and it’s completely possible to accept them for what they are, without constantly interpreting them as a negative reflection on you. It’s all right to be in pain without thinking somethings wrong with you for being in pain, it’s also all right to not be in pain. But it’s a lot easier to let go of that when you don’t define yourself in relation to how much pain you’re usually in, when you let go fear that without your pain, you won’t know who you are.
There a diamond under that coal, my friend. It’s the case for everybody in recovery, but you need to be willing to see yourself as the diamond not the coal, so that you chip it off instead of hold onto it. The good news, no matter what you do, stay sober, and it will get better. Could you have even imagined how you would be now, a year ago, vis a vis IFX for example? In another year you will be equally unrecognizable to yourself.

By: Irish Friend of Bill

Irish Friend of Bill — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 13:48:59 +0000

Yeah you’re right. good stuff is not easy. but deteriorating because we refuse to grow up is even harder!!
Nice post.
when stuff seems like too much, just do it for 5mins at a time, or one minute at a time.
Its a cinch an inch but its hard by the yard.
and making things ‘easy’ gets them DONE. living life like a clenched fist just makes EVERYTHING difficult. you have to surrender to win. let go, to get in to the groove and get the job done. nervous energy just drains valuable resources away from the job at hand. thats how i understand what ‘easy does it’ it teaching me. I TRY (!!) to do things ‘lightly’ as opposed to ‘intensely’. The journey never ends really. there is always something scary looking on the horizon if we refuse to hide under the duvet!
Good luck with your new chapter of stuff!