You’ve decided you want what I have? Are you sure?

I went to Gooding recently to speak at the treatment center I went to, which in and of itself was really cool. Even cooler is the fact that out of that someone decided that they wanted me to show them how I’ve stayed sober. And even cooler than that, the coolest thing, something lots of people in recovery never get, is someone who wants me to show them how I got and am staying sober that is actually willing to do the work. I have friends with great sobriety, guys who work a great program, who have only had people unwilling to do the work ask to sponsor them. It must be pretty discouraging. Right out of the gate I have a kid who is apparently in enough pain and fear at 52 days clean that he’s been willing to do everything I’ve asked him to do, to do it on time or early, who calls because he has more work done and wants to get to the next thing.

I suddenly became clear last night that if I’m going to take this guy through steps 2 and 3 later tonight and give him instructions for step 4 I’d better get busy and get my sex inventory done. I had good reasons to crank out my fear and resentments and take them through 7 in light of the legal issue I have coming up. I didn’t want to be falling through the air on faith alone with that. It was important that I have conscious contact with God before I started making amends for that particular set of resentments. Having done that though, it’s time for me to proceed with the last part of the 4th step. I don’t want my sponsee to get ahead of me.

Another great thing about working with someone is having the opportunity to go back through the steps again with someone who is fresh, to be reminded of what it is to be on “the morning side of the mountain” as Donny Osmond might say. Reconnecting with that feeling, rather than just to proceed from where I am, with no point of reference but my own memory, is pretty powerful.

When I took that pile of wreckage and defects to God, when I sent up a flare from the scrap heap of humanity and asked Him to come get me and make something out of that mess, I didn’t expect that he’d make any sort of vessel out of me so quickly. When Jim said, “Now you have a message. Go carry it,” I didn’t think I’d be carrying it anywhere but at meeting level in the near term.

When I meet with this young man half an hour from now to take him through 2 and 3 and to give him instructions about step 4 I know that he won’t be able to see the person that I see sitting across the table. He won’t be able for some time to see the kind, decent and wonderful person that I see. Although I’ve told him already I doubt he realized yet that what we’re actually embarking on is a process of outfitting him to be of maximum usefulness to God and the people about him. I know that he doesn’t know what a blessing he is to me or how he’s changing my life. If he stays willing, perhaps one day soon he’ll be doing this same thing with someone else just coming in and even then he may not understand the gift he’s given me.