I’m terrified of trusting God with anything important. I shouldn’t be. I have an indication or two that He’s at work in my life, yet I struggle with letting go of something so big as what I’ve been facing. And why? Because I don’t have His phone number? He doesn’t have a street address? I don’t see His picture in the Yellow Pages?
Years ago I saw Angels in America at the Mark Taper Forum. There I sat, the Mormon boy, with my Jewish attorney boyfriend, overwhelmed with the surreal fun house mirror image of my life unfolding on the stage in front of me. And of all the things that stood out to me was the idea that God is absent. Prior’s angelic visitor proclaims that man’s erring restlessness: his promiscuous mobility has driven God away from the world and as a result the planet is falling apart.
That idea somehow made it’s way into my consciousness. It somehow stuck. And now, I find the task of learning to trust a God that I had believed to be missing, because of my own inability to reach Him, well, daunting. Sure, I trust the God of Small Things. But capital G God?
This is scary.
Tags: addict, Courage, Crystal Meth, Faith, God, Recovery, trust
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November 7, 2007 at 3:22 am
rod
good insight, c. it is frightening. and it is humbling. and what are the options? sometimes i think it’s more frightening because of what could go right and not necessarily what could go wrong.
i am learning that faith grows, however, and it sprouts roots in places i’d never dreamed.
November 7, 2007 at 5:48 am
DKThinker
One of the hard things to accept on this Journey is that God gives us the lessons we need, not the lessons we want. He will put us in that very place we dread to be, because that’s where we need to do our learning. I have always experienced generous reward for completing a lesson, though.
-DeeK
November 7, 2007 at 5:57 pm
Marc
First off, I believe God has a myspace page, I’ll see if I can find the link and send it to you.
Seondly, if God is missing, then God was there. Ergo, there is a God. And once you admit that, only the most impoverished understanding of God is of an essence, an entity, that is somehow bounded by time and space, that can even be “missing.”
It rather follows that our inability to perceive God has nothing to do with God being there or not, and everything to do with us. Which is a good thing, because we can change.
I always say, if you can’t see God, be God. Which is as simple as being kind to someone today.
November 8, 2007 at 2:31 am
Chris
Bill W has a MySpace page!!! He’s my friend, dude. Check it out. >oo<