Day 5 - Revisited

January 19, 2007 in Uncategorized | 4 comments

The last thing I did before I took the 14 hour bus ride to Pocatello was get high. That’s sexy isn’t it? Shooting up in the bathroom of a Greyhound station? There’s a way to meet quality friends.

So then I’m trapped on a bus for fourteen hours wishing I could fuck the young russian man next to me.

Then show up at treatment crashing. So wow.

But I’m here now and even though I’m pretty post-acute (yesterday especially) I’m doing better. I still don’t sleep through the night. I seem to have to be high to do that. Perhaps it’s just anxiety and it will subside.

I’ll be here at least another month.

Internet access isn’t really available to me so I won’t really be writing for awhile; just something short once a week.

thanks

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  1. davius nor on January 23, 2007 at 2:03 pm

    chris -
    i absolutlely feel for you and it’s clear that you have hit an absolutle bottom with meth. as much as i’d like to sugar coat everything you do have a long road of recovery ahead of you. but you’re NOT ALONE! the last time i shot up that evil shit it litterally took me to emergency room as i thought i was having a heart attack. shooting meth WILL KILL YOU! it’s so easy to get caught up and let that shit over take you but you have to be stronger than that. you have made the right choice by getting help and by putting yourself in a recovery/treatment program. you truly have my prayers brother. please remember in your worst moment of darkness to surrender yourself to your higher power and let it go. if you don’t have a higher power i’d strongly suggest that you find one. for now…peace and love - davius nor

  2. Rod on January 24, 2007 at 9:32 am

    Hey Chris- well i guess you made it. I wonder what you were expecting. And I wonder if your experience is living up to that. It’s f__king hard to stop. And it’s even tuffer to stay stopped. There are things I did during my active addiction that I still have a hard time coming to terms with. And I like to blame myself for everything wrong that I see. But, the truth is, there are many things right in my life. I forget this and take them for granted, but there are many things right in my life. I focus on those, and work on the others 1 at a time. And the list of what’s right grows!!!!- I hope you don’t mind,but I forwarded your blog to several addicts in recovery. This stopping thing is completely do-able. And it is completely worth it. Self respect does come back- I swear…

    Keep in touch!

    Rod

  3. Rod on January 24, 2007 at 9:36 am

    Hey Chris-

    Well you made it to Pocatello! I wonder what you were expecting. And I wonder how the experience is living up to that. I know that it is f__king hard to walk through so much after not really feeling things for a long time. And it is even tougher to live with some of the things I have done while in my active addiction. I used to get so depressed wondering how I could ever look myself in the mirror again. But someone pointed out that even though there was so much wrong in my life- there were some things right. And if I could learn to focus on what was right I could go forward a little easier. Every day I focus on what’s right, and start to work on what’s wrong 1 thing at a time. And I have made it. And if I can, anybody can ‘cuz I ain’t that special. I hope you don’t mind, but I forwarded your blog to several addicts in recovery. This stopping thing isn’t easy, but it IS do-able. And it has a big payoff. Hang in there!

  4. methedup on February 3, 2007 at 9:44 am

    Thank you both for your words of love and support. They are appreciated more than you know. I know in my heart of hearts that recovery is the only path to salvaging a life worth having out of the wreckage that I’ve become. While I’ve only put together no more that three continuous years clean at any one time since seveenteen years ago, when I first (and foolishly) used crystal meth, I cannot deny that the Observer (my creator) has a plan for me and that only my willfulness and selfishness has prevented me from fulfilling it. Please stay in touch. And if you’d like to write your own stories (big book type format - vis a vi ‘what it was like, what happened and what it’s like now’) please feel free to email them to0 me (as a TXT document preferably) at svopec AT gmail DOT com .

    Namaste.