Day 6 Off Crystal Meth

On one of the blogs I love I noticed this morning that I’m apparantly not the only one going through this. I guess things are shitty all over. Oddly, that makes me feel good.

I don’t sleep through the night anymore. I have a hard time concentrating. It may take me 4 or 5 sittings to finish this post. But yesterday I closed probably the last door on my using. I’m checking into a theraputic community for the next six days while I wait to go to treatment. They do random UAs so there won’t be any more partying as long as I want to keep a roof over my head.

I feel incredibly anxious all the time. Paradoxically, to look at me I seem calmer and more serene than I’ve looked in two years.

Every bone in my body hurts. Especially my spine, which has osteoarthritis.

I wanted to go stay with my grandmother for the week while I waited to go to treatment. She lives close to the facility and 300 miles from anywhere that I know I could score. But she turned me down. My grandmother wouldn’t let me come stay for a couple of days. Ouch.

Yes. I resent it. I realize it’s probably my own actions that caused it but isn’t blood thicker than water? It’s not like I’ve ever asked her for anything. Then I remember she’s the old bitch who told me that my mother should be strung up and horse whipped. (Any more I’m reluctant to argue against that but you don’t say that to a 14 year old who’s father has taken off to europe with some bottle-blonde and who hasn’t paid child support.)

I don’t know what kind of access I’ll have to the internet so if i drop off for 34 days don’t be too alarmed. But, today is day six. And God willing I’ll have one more.